


build me up, buttercup (hold me so gently)

by princepixel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Character Development, Denial, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gardens & Gardening, Getting Together, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Magic, Magical Realism, Mentions of Death, Mild Illness, Mutual Pining, Nature Magic, Necromancy, Panic Attacks, Past Child Neglect, Past manipulation, Plants, Referenced Car Accident, Secret Abilities, Secrets, Side ot3, Slow Burn, Spells & Enchantments, Strangers to Lovers, Superpowers, Temporary Character Death, Trauma, Witches, established renmin, hes ok tho, on god i know nothing about plants, red velvet cameos as usual, slightly enemies to lovers (one sided), sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24648856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princepixel/pseuds/princepixel
Summary: jeno, a withdrawn and shy necromancer, refuses to use his powers for anything other than resurrecting his constantly dying plants. he's content with his gloomy life in the shadows until donghyuck, an outgoing boy with a honey sweet smile and a passion for gardening, crashes into jeno's house of cards. suddenly jeno must grapple with everything he thought he knew about love and fate— and the difference betweenbeing aliveandliving.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 217





	build me up, buttercup (hold me so gently)

**Author's Note:**

> [taps mic] hello i'm alive.......kind of. hope u all are well!
> 
> it would not be right for me to post on here and not acknowledge everything happening with the black lives matter movement across the globe. here is a carrd with a lot more information than i can give, please check it out [here!](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)
> 
> please read tags! i scribbled this idea down back in 2018 and only got to try my hand at doing it justice during quarantine and it's just been collecting dust ever since. i hope you enjoy, and that it can make you feel a little warmer in these difficult days. ♡
> 
> i listened to a lot of bittersweet lofi/instrumental while writing like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aP13c5MWAE&list=LL8Q8sXSqX4doIipntw9wynA&index=59&t=0s) and [this!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyNYkWKHf1Q)

for a necromancer, jeno isn't very good with death.

"aww," jeno frowns, gently running one fingertip across a fragile leaf. it's singed brown at the edges, crackly to the touch and clinging for dear life onto the stalk of his jasmine plant. he clicks his tongue in sympathy at the shriveled petals littering the rest of the bright yellow flower box. "poor little flower, you look like you could use a pick-me-up!"

jeno allows his eyes to fall shut, shaking his shaggy black hair out of his eyes as he clasps his hands. he visualizes the plant in his mind's eye, colors swirling and mixing and falling into place. what a pretty thing it is— elegant vines arcing into the air, delicate white stars welcoming the world with open arms.

shadows fizz and bubble around jeno's bright pink bunny slippers, creeping up his legs like sticky tar. he isn't afraid— not entirely. it's futile to kick them off, anyways. the air thickens around his head, pressing down on all sides as his limbs are pumped full of lead. jeno's veins run cold, shivers of electricity pulsing through his forearms and into his fingertips. as the pressure in his hands mounts, fire scorching across the lines of fate sketched over his palm, he pulls his hands apart to encompass the plant. with a final _zing_ it all floods out of his palms, shoving him backwards with its intensity.

leaning against the wall for support, jeno cracks one eye open. his head pounds, but a smile stretches across his chapped lips. "there we go!" he croons. he grins at the vibrant flower pot in front of him, impossibly green and just as lively as the day he brought it home. "that wasn't so bad, was it?"

**. . .**

"oh c'mon, jeno! just this once? you know jaemin is going to cry when he gets home if i don't fix this!"

jeno sighs, fingernails tapping against the edge of his phone. his eyes travel lazily over his tiny apartment, crammed full of flowers, houseplants, vines, small bonsai trees, etc. his gaze softens at the peaceful wash of green (mostly green. there are some touch-ups needed, he notes). "sorry, injunnie. you know i don't use magic outside of my greenchildren."

"please stop calling your plants your greenchildren, it's kind of creepy."

"but it's like— like instead of _grand_ children it's _green_ children! isn't that so cute?" jeno adjusts the phone in the crook of his neck, "'cause they're plants, sure, but they're like my kids! i just thought it was—"

"jen!" renjun whines, drawing out the name. his voice crackles over the phone, making jeno wince. "listen, you know how jaemin feels about insect lives. i really don't want to be subjected to another hour long teary-eyed lecture about the importance of respecting mother nature every single time i have to kill a bug in our apartment."

jeno pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingertips. "why don't you just, oh i don't know, not kill them? you can remove them peacefully, or flush them. or better yet, just let them be. they aren't hurting anyone." jeno rolls his eyes. "besides, you know you like jaemin's pouty lectures. remember last friday when you said his eyes glitter like the night sky and his pretty lips look so—"

renjun makes a sound that seems to be a cross between a kicked puppy, an affronted white mom with an expired coupon at bed bath and beyond, and a vaguely nauseous college kid after a night out. "you've been sworn to silence about that, asshole! i'm not responsible for anything sappy drunk renjun says or does. and, _eugh_. you know bugs freak me out. too many legs..." renjun shudders, jostling the phone. "i always swipe at them on reflex, but i don't wanna get close enough to clean it— ugh, and there's another one! i can't have shit in this house!"

jeno yawns, eyelids slipping shut. "it's not a secret, injunnie. you guys are practically married. anyways, why don't you ask the cute boy across the hall to catch your bugs for you? you and jaemin rant about how adorably oblivious he is often enough that this seems like a great opportunity to introduce yourselves."

renjun hums low. "that's actually a good idea, thanks jen. wow, i didn't know you had it in you."

"hey!"

renjun giggles, voice pulling away from the phone for a second. "by the way! don't skip history tomorrow, you heathen. park is assigning partners for the project."

"me? skip class? i would never." jeno drones flatly. "i'm a model student, really."

jeno _feels_ renjun's eye roll over the line. "right, right. it's not like you spend all morning reviving plants in the long-abandoned school rooftop gardens and knock yourself out for all of your 8 ams."

"don't you have bugs to worry about?"

renjun shrieks and disconnects the call. jeno can only hope he did it intentionally as the image of the tiny boy bombarded with spiders fills his mind. satan be with you, injunnie.

**. . .**

jeno perches his chin in one hand, watching sunlight stream through the window. a faint headache pulses behind his eyes, and he melts into the stiff metal chair with all the energy leached out of his muscles. renjun had dragged him kicking and screaming away from the rooftop gardens, but couldn't prevent him from doing a little life-saving earlier in his apartment. jeno's lower lip pokes out, pouting at the reminder of the disaster he had woken up to. half of his precious flowerpots wilted, petals scattered across the floor. he had nearly slipped and eaten shit on the carpet of wrinkly, paper-thin flower corpses. a typical morning, honestly.

 _i just can't seem to keep them alive,_ jeno's thoughts wander into the courtyard outside. he was never very good at paying attention in his early morning classes, so it was a real shame that the majority of the niche classes for his major only ran at those times.

_everything dies. how goddamn fitting._

"mark lee and huang renjun." professor park taps her chalk against the board. she's one of those professors with a fancy metal holder for her chalk and a protective glove for her hand, though she still gets chalk everywhere. it adds to her intimidation, which runs deep despite her unbelievably sunny smile.

jeno jumps at the sound of his surname, wide eyes blinking around the room. shit, did he miss his partner assignment? he sneaks a quick look at renjun, who looks entirely too smug about his placement, eyes glinting in excitement as he sends a quick wave to mark. jeno sighs fondly. he already knows jaemin is going to be over the moon when he finds out mark will be over their place more often. stupid lovesick boys.

anxiety pools in jeno's stomach as it dawns on him that renjun and mark are pretty much his only friends in the class— and 'friend' might be stretching it a little bit for mark. he's more like an overly enthusiastic acquaintance, but it's better than nothing. jeno bites at his lip, looking up and down the list on the board. almost everyone has been paired off, which only leaves—

"jeno lee and donghyuck lee."

adrenaline floods jeno's veins, spine stick straight as his eyes roam the room. donghyuck lee, donghyuck lee. the name sounds familiar, but why?

his eyes meet warm brown ones, glimmering with mischief. the boy with the bouncy silver hair, freckles scattered across his blushed skin, and a hint of shimmer on his eyelids shoots jeno a sultry wink. jeno chokes on his spit. it clicks suddenly-- donghyuck lee, one of the most talented athletes in the school, owner of the voice like an angel. donghyuck lee, the social butterfly constantly fluttering from friend group to friend group, adored by all with a big ~~probably fake~~ smile hung on his lips at all times. the definition of sunshine, gifted in areas ranging from soccer to musical theater to academics, it's no wonder that he's never crossed paths with introverted, shadow-drenched jeno lee.

god fucking damn it.

"we share a surname!" donghyuck chirps as he plops his books down next to jeno. there isn't really space for him at the table, but he doesn't seem to mind. he leans into jeno's personal bubble, looking him up and down a few times. jeno's gaze flickers uneasily around the room. no one else has moved to sit with their partners, what the fuck. why jeno. oh, god, why _jeno_. what did he do to deserve this?

jeno likes to keep to himself. growing up with nothing but _black magic bad_ filling his head from both his grandparents and the media, it was easy for him to withdraw into himself. he learned to be terrified of the sparks crawling under his skin, to suppress the shadows threading through his veins, webbing out from his core and settling over his organs.

the less interaction he initiates, the lower the chance that he'll hurt someone. the fewer connections he forms, the more shielded he is from rejection, from being cast away if they ever find out that he has death pulsing through his body. the more he withdraws, the safer he- and everyone else- is.

that’s how it has always been, and that's how jeno intends on living out the rest of his life. it's gotten him this far, into college with very limited numbers of people uncovering his secret. sometimes it's unavoidable, as in the cases of the very persistent huang renjun and na jaemin, who stuck to his side on the first day of high school and refused to leave no matter how much jeno tried to shake them off. pesky little barnacles. jeno would do anything for them.

a naturally shy boy, it wasn't hard for jeno to take a backseat to his own life. he's grown to treasure his solitary lifestyle, spending his days surrounded by his zombie plants, dancing in his bedroom, and humoring his friends once or twice a week with pizza parlor trips or drives around their little college town. it's nice, quiet, familiar. _safe_.

donghyuck nods his head approvingly, bright white teeth flashing behind soft-looking lips (what the fuck, jeno?). "convenient, convenient. it's like we're already married!"

jeno puts his head into his hands and groans.

_satan be with you, jeno._

**. . .**

(jeno is a calm lake, glassy surface undisturbed for centuries. he's shrouded by a thick net of trees stretching into the sky, their broad trunks casting deep shadows across the waters. he's tucked away in a pocket of the woods where no one dares to enter, terrified by legends of demons with red blood crystallized on their fangs roaming the unknown, the scent of metallic despair hanging in thick clouds. shapeless entities skirt around the edges of one’s vision, haunting melodies twisting through the tree branches. sure, the plants along the lake's bottom may be choking from lack of sunlight and nutrients, but it's peaceful. tranquil.

donghyuck is a pebble rocketing toward the still water, and jeno can't help but ripple as he touches down.)

**. . .**

jeno wakes up to a pounding on his door. his curtains are shut as usual, casting the room into a darkness that masquerades as nightfall. jeno throws an arm over his forehead, blearily blinking up at the clock. it's nearing 4 pm, the time ~~they~~ donghyuck set to meet during class. he's not sure why they have to start meeting the _day_ the project was assigned— aren't college students supposed to be professional procrastinators? they don't even have materials yet, but whatever. if it means the project is over with sooner, jeno is up for anything.

jeno drags himself off his bed, pausing at the mirror to make a vague attempt at taming his hair. it doesn't really work, but who cares. it's not like jeno has anyone to impress.

jeno opens the door and promptly retracts that statement.

donghyuck has his hand raised, fist slightly unfurled as if he was just about to knock again. a cream sweater hangs from his lithe frame, stark against his golden skin. pale hair falls softly against his forehead, tousled in a way that screams effortless charm. the slight look of surprise on his face melts into a bright smile as he shoves at jeno's shoulder.

"way to keep a guy waiting!" donghyuck teases.

"it's barely four." jeno swallows hard, shaking those weird thoughts out of his mind. he licks his lips nervously, clammy hand nearly slipping on the strap of his backpack as he swings it over his shoulder. "where are we going?" it dawns on him that he truly has no idea what the project is even about.

"well, i was thinking we could go to a coffee shop. or, hm, there's this cute stationary store on main street that i've been meaning to check out. wait! what about a cat cafe? or the arcade?" donghyuck singsongs, already on his way out of the building.

"arc— what? donghyuck, we don't even have an _outline_ —"

they end up at a library, unsurprisingly. it's kind of where jeno had assumed they'd go from the beginning, so he's not sure why donghyuck is sulking into his textbook.

donghyuck is quite the loud study partner until he gets into the groove of things. the first twenty minutes are absolutely maddening-- the boy is certainly popular, and he can't help but greet every passing person that calls out his name with overwhelming enthusiasm. jeno sinks lower and lower in his chair each time, praying to satan (or whoever else is out there, jeno could use all the help he can get) that they won't get kicked out for causing a disturbance.

what a noisy boy, really. jeno breathes a (quiet) sigh of relief as donghyuck settles down, finally finding a decent book to dig in to. he's actually rather pleasant when he's calm, paging through the book with a look of concentration cast over his features. jeno also can't ignore how donghyuck's nose wrinkles cutely when he finds a good quote for their project— no, oh my god what? no, he can totally ignore that. totally. he's got blinders on, actually, isn't even _thinking_ about looking at donghyuck, not even when he scratches at his notebook with a cute ice cream shaped eraser, or when he pesters jeno from across the table and his eyes scrunch up into his smile—

nope, nope. nothing. jeno is completely calm and collected and wants nothing to do with donghyuck lee and he will die on that hill.

they call it quits an hour and a half later, with the sun sinking low in the sky. before they part ways, donghyuck whirls around, punches his number into jeno's phone and is off like a tornado. jeno is left in his wake with a racing heart, staring down at the word _hyuckie <3 _splashed across the screen in big letters.

**. . .**

"ugh, he's so— so _weird._ it feels like i'm talking to a goddamn mirage sometimes. he acts so over the top and bubbly, it just has to be fake!" jeno whines, splayed out on the floor of renjun and jaemin's apartment. jeno wiggles when something digs into his back. for a floor, it's lumpier than it looks. "why the fuck did we have to get assigned partners anyways? this is college, can't we be trusted to make our own decisions?"

"definitely not." renjun says, eyeing jaemin at the stove. jaemin is rocking a 'i kiss better than i cook' apron, and seems to be concocting a strange mixture of crayons, toothpaste, lemons, and— are those mascara tubes on the counter?

"oh, donghyuck isn't that bad," mark says softly, "even if he brings around a lot of attention, he's really— jaemin, what _is_ that?!"

"i saw this on an instagram diy account," jaemin's tongue pokes out in concentration. jeno rolls his eyes at how mark's gaze darts nervously to the boy's lips and back. "apparently it's really good for— ugh, really good for hair dyeing if you can just get the consistency—" jaemin yelps suddenly, hooking a sharp right to duck under the table. renjun just barely dodges the hunk of flaming crayon hurled his way as the pot spits and bubbles.

"can't one of you just switch with me?" jeno groans, covering his face with his forearm. he allows the ceiling lights to burn spots into his vision as he wallows. after a few beats without a response, he groans again in a very _pay-attention-to-my-self-pitying_ manner. no response. sitting up indignantly, he just catches mark dragging jaemin away from the stove, a rather ruffled renjun wielding a fire extinguisher in front of the overflowing pot. the mixture has turned pitch black somehow, and is hissing menacingly. jaemin looks down at how mark's arm is thrown over his waist, a sly smile spreading across his face. he flashes a quick wink and a thumbs up to jeno.

"i'm on my own, huh." jeno grumbles, the wind knocking out of him with an _oof_ as he lets himself fall back to the hardwood floor.

**. . .**

**[11:07 p.m]** **nana-bear ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧:**

so...you're fully aware that you're making up reasons to dislike donghyuck in order to distance yourself, deny your true feelings about him, and hopefully curb any future emotions that may emerge and complicate your sulky, antisocial life in the shadows, right?

**[11:15 p.m]** **me:**

i fucking hate psych majors

**. . .**

so, here's the thing about necromancy. like most other generally frowned upon forms of magic, it comes with a price. _always._

most plants have tiny life forces, little pools of energy that can drain easily if not cared for. it saps jeno's strength each time he performs a resurrection, but it's minute and temporary enough that he can justify the practice. it's not like he uses his abilities for anything else, so a little nausea or a migraine is insignificant when it comes to his precious flowers.

flowers are life. they dazzle when they bloom, vibrant colors stretching toward the open air. they are a reminder that despite all the sludge that flows through jeno's veins, despite the dripping claws that scratch at his feet, the silhouettes erupting from beneath the floorboards as he walks, he is still alive. he is _good_ , he can channel light, he can use this black magic for healing. plants are innocent, gentle creatures with no agenda of their own but to live. jeno can help. jeno can _help._

at least with this, he isn't hurting anyone but himself.

a life for a life only applies when the lives are considered equal. stepping on a weed in an open field is not comparable to taking a human life, and the universe treats jeno and his plants in a similar fashion. sure, his habits may be draining his life force in the long run— black magic has a way of backfiring, much like a genie's twisted tongue— but it's hardly noticeable, so jeno doesn't pay it much thought. he's been doing well, after all, minus the over-exertion and rather chronic fatigue.

that is, until winter hits.

jeno can barely keep his own plants alive in the summertime, when the sun glows brightly with promise of clear skies, fresh air, and rich nutrients. it worsens in the wintertime. his plants easily fall prey to the chill, frost creeping over their stalks no matter how tightly jeno shuts the windows. the rest of the city dies out, too, which is too painful for jeno to watch. he can't bear to walk past the shriveled flower beds next to the bus stop, and his heart breaks when he sees the once-magnificent rosebuds of the nearby park suffocated by layers of snow.

and, well— if no one is around to see the black sparks of magic running from jeno's wrists to the slowly rising flowerbeds, then there's no harm done, right?

the more the city flourishes, the more jeno wilts. to him, it's a small price to pay for the wonder on children's faces as they roam amongst the budding trees, or the tender moment between a couple picking flowers for each other from their favorite miraculously thriving rosebush, a sappy symbol for their undying love.

jeno's friends admonish him for putting his life on the line each winter, but they know they can't do anything to stop him. even if he gets a little more tired than usual, even if he's more prone to flus and headaches, even if he's sometimes bedridden for days, he doesn't mind. he barely leaves his place anyways.

that is, until donghyuck hits.

"i can't meet today." jeno says through the gunk in his chest. he can already _see_ the pout forming on donghyuck's face from across the line. "i'm not feeling well, sorry."

donghyuck pauses for a few beats, long enough for jeno to check if the call disconnected. "you weren't in class today. i mean, you usually sleep through class anyways, but at least you show up?"

"y-you notice me in class?" jeno splutters when his brain catches up, nearly knocking over his coffee.

donghyuck barrels right ahead, "are...um, are you okay?"

his voice has a certain edge to it, almost hinting at actual concern. jeno's breath rattles in his chest. donghyuck is— donghyuck is worried about him? why?

"i'll be fine by tomorrow. promise. don't worry about the project, i'll do my part from home today." jeno words come out stilted and awkward, and he disconnects before his heart can do any more flips in his chest. he presses two fingers under his jaw, feeling for his racing pulse. damn, maybe he's sicker than usual.

tracing his hand over the sleek black curtain in front of him, jeno sighs thickly. he creates a little gap to peer out from, squinting at the light. he'd make a better vampire than a necromancer, honestly.

the lawn in front of the apartment complex glimmers a lush green. there's a cherry blossom tree tucked away in a quieter area. he knows his neighbor loves to sketch by it, embraced by the soft pink petals. sometimes he can hear her early in the morning, excitedly throwing her art supplies into her bag. _it's like it's always springtime here!_ she giggles, rushing out the door to claim her favorite spot.

perhaps he overdid it today, as he doesn't usually try to restore the whole lawn in one go, but he overheard seulgi complaining about missing the blossoms and just couldn't help himself.

jeno smiles even as he wobbles, gripping the windowsill to steady himself. _worth it._

three thuds from his door knock him from his thoughts. jeno takes a deep breath to collect himself before heading over to open it. he's not expecting anyone, right? maybe he got a package.

he most certainly does not expect to see donghyuck lee standing there, arms full of books as he kicks at the door. "oh wow, you look like shit!"

"thanks, i tried." jeno deadpans as donghyuck shoulders his way in. "what are you—“

"cute place! i don't know why you never let me in when i come to hang out." donghyuck dumps his books onto jeno's counter and is currently zig zagging between his furniture, inspecting every inch of the apartment.

jeno's headache worsens behind his eyes. _i've never invited you to hang out. this is a strictly project based relationship._ the words taste like ash in his mouth, and for some reason he can't force them off his tongue. donghyuck looks like a kid in a candy store, twirling amongst the rows of plants.

"jenooooo," he drawls, "i had no idea you liked plants so much!"

jeno blinks twice. "you...you garden?"

"is that even a question?!" donghyuck coos, crouching down to stroke a petal of his primrose plant. "hello, little guy. you look thirsty."

"her name is watermelon bubblegum, actually." jeno crosses his arms. donghyuck has no idea how lucky he is right now. normally jeno would bite the fingers off anyone who dared touch his fragile zombie plants. really.

he ignores the swirling in his chest that questions why he feels so warm at how lovingly donghyuck is treating his flowers.

after donghyuck is satisfied with his initial inspection, he circles back to jeno. jeno's brain struggles through the fog as he opens his mouth, tone a little sharper than he intended. "why are you here, donghyuck."

"ouch." donghyuck gestures towards the counter, where the books are piled high. "well, you said you'd do your part from home but you don't even have the materials! i checked them out of the library, so just give them back to me within the week. the others..." he trails off, gaze drifting towards his feet. there's an odd dusting of pink across his cheeks. is it that cold outside already? "i dunno. i just figured you'd want the notes from class today."

_donghyuck..._

wide eyed, jeno doesn't even get a chance to respond before donghyuck surges into his personal space again. whistling lowly, he tugs at jeno's cheeks, poking his forehead and prodding the bags under his eyes. jeno is too shocked to do anything before the boy pulls back, frowning. "damn, you really do look sick. i thought you were just avoiding me, haha. i know i'm not the best partner, but i thought we would at least make it to the end of the project before you ditched me!" he forces out a laugh, but a look of uncharacteristic dejectedness flashes over his face regardless. jeno's heart twists in his chest.

sadness doesn't look good on donghyuck.

 _he really thinks i'd avoid him? he thinks i hate him that much?_ jeno opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. donghyuck steps back nervously, fingers unravelling a loose thread hanging from his sweatshirt.

"um, if you want i can g—“

"do you want to meet the rest of my plants?" jeno blurts. donghyuck looks as shocked as jeno feels as they both process the offer. jeno scrambles to save himself. "i— i know you saw most of them already but i can, uh, tell you their names and stuff. um, like over there is flo, my clivia plant. her name comes from the latin for flower, _flos_ , which is super corny i know, but i'm not great with names. that’s the only one i really put effort into, actually. i got her a year ago, and...y-yeah."

when jeno lifts his gaze, there's a smile on donghyuck's face. it's smaller than his normal flashy grin, but there's something about it that seems just a bit more genuine, a fraction more intimate.

"i'd really love that."

**. . .**

donghyuck hangs around for another two hours after the flower introductions, much to jeno's discomfort. discomfort, yeah.

"we haven't even gotten anything done on the project..." jeno laments, watching donghyuck frolic about his room, scribbling down scientific names, jeno-given names, and other information about each of the plants in the apartment. just watching him tires jeno out.

"oh, the horror." donghyuck deadpans, a devilish smile playing on his lips. "i suppose i'll just have to come back tomorrow."

**. . .**

"WHYYY do you build me up! (build me up!)~" jeno belts at the top of his lungs as he twirls between his flowerpots, pitching his voice to pretend like his flowers are providing backup vocals, "buttercup, baby, just to let me down—“ he throws out some jazz hands, accidentally pouring way too much water into his daffodils, but he isn't worried. they'll stay alive one way or another.

"you never call, baby, when you say you will~" jeno spins flush against his large bonsai plant, dramatically draping himself over the branches. "but i love you still!"

"i need you!" he whips around with his eyes closed, thrusting his watering can at the first flower he comes across when he stops like a root beer bottle in a high school spin the bottle game. "(i need you!)"

dancing his way closer to the door, jeno realizes that some of the plants over here are a little too far gone. no matter! he's got an extra pep in his step today, surely a bit of miracle work before he meets with donghyuck for the project can't hurt.

his magic flows a bit easier when he feels like this, like it can actually break through some of the mental blockages set up in his head. it's a little less like he's saddled with a weight he doesn't know what to do with and more like he's utilizing the natural spring of magic welling up from him. it purrs and tingles as it floods his body, happy to be welcomed. it feels good when his mind is clear— like this is what he's meant for.

"more than anyone, darlin'! you know that i have, from the staaart~" he performs with a flourish that would make the greatest broadway stars weep, truly, the emotion simply _bleeds_ from his voice. it'll probably start from his nose, too, if his magic gets too intense. at least his rosebush is already perking up.

"sooooOOOO build me up!" jeno leans in closer to his reviving hydrangeas, hand cupped around his ear like a superstar egging on a crowd, "(build me up!)" pitch black energy crackles around his poinsettia plant as the blooms slowly brighten, crumbled petals miraculously lifting towards the ceiling.

jeno twirls again with his eyes screwed shut, bellowing to the ceiling, "buttercup! don't break my _heaaaart!"_

"i won't."

jeno freezes. his eyes fly open as he whirls towards the door, watering can clattering to the ground. "do-donghyuck?" he croaks. the boy is leaning against the doorframe with an eyebrow quirked, the unlatched door drifting on its hinges. god damn it, jeno.

"pet names already? jeno, i'm blushing! i have to say i'm more of a 'sweetheart' kind of guy, but buttercup is cute too." donghyuck starts setting up his books on the counter like nothing happened. jeno is flushed red to the roots of his hair in embarrassment. that was like getting caught singing into a hairbrush, but _worse_ because donghyuck saw—

jeno pales suddenly. donghyuck, donghyuck _saw—_

"what kind of magic was that, by the way? i've never seen it before, all sharp and dark and crackly like that. the air was so thick, too. pretty wild!" donghyuck says through a mouthful of string cheese as he rummages around. he sounds almost bored, talking about magic like one might discuss their goddamn morning commute.

jeno blinks. when did donghyuck start raiding his fridge?

jeno nearly gets smacked in the face with the towel donghyuck chucks his way. he stares at it like a deer in the headlights before donghyuck jerks his chin toward the watering can on the floor, which is still leaking water everywhere.

as jeno crouches to mop it up, he wishes he could continue to fold in on himself until he would just disappear. god, how reckless could he _be?_ his secret is out. donghyuck could tell the whole world and get everyone to fear him. his life will be ruined. he won't be able to go to college anymore, and all of his loved ones— they'll be terrified of him, they'll _hate_ him. they'll treat him like he's dangerous, like they'll die if they touch him, like he's a ticking time bomb on the brink of exploding. they'll treat him just like—

"jeno, are you okay?" a warm pair of hands covers his. jeno didn't even realize he was shaking.

he can barely look at donghyuck. his pulse races in his throat, the aftershocks of using his abilities not helping the lightheadedness caused by his panic. "d-donghyuck you can't— you can't tell _anyone_ , please, please i can't—“

"jeno, whoa!" donghyuck tugs him upward, steadying him with both hands on his forearms. jeno feels small right now despite their significant height difference. the world seems so far away, black dots creeping at the edge of his unfocused vision. the ground shifts unsteadily beneath his feet, pulsing and swelling like he's caught in an ocean wave. he can almost feel the water filling his lungs. the blood coursing in his ears drowns out everything but his racing thoughts.

"jeno, can you hear me? breathe with me, it's okay. it's okay, i won't tell anyone. i swear." donghyuck is uncharacteristically serious, his entire flirty persona melting from his features. the world starts to come back into focus, sharpening in on donghyuck's caring face most of all.

they had moved to the couch at some point. donghyuck had placed jeno's hand on his own chest to help him match his breathing. he didn't realize how comforting it would be to feel the steady rise and fall of donghyuck's chest, feel his heart beating under warm skin. there's nothing but compassion and assurance in donghyuck's big brown eyes, and jeno slowly feels his feet come back to earth.

_he's not afraid of me._

donghyuck pulls back once jeno seems to be sufficiently grounded. on autopilot, jeno almost reaches for his hand again before jerking away like he's been stung. he chews on his lip, desperately hoping to avoid the inescapable barrage of questions for a little longer. to his surprise, donghyuck stretches before getting up and heading towards the front of the apartment. something heavy sinks into jeno's gut. _he's leaving. leaving, they all—_

"green tea or peppermint?"

"huh?"

donghyuck pokes his head out from the cabinet he's sifting through, two boxes of tea stacked in one hand. he's got two mugs set out on the counter, and a kettle of water heating up.

since when did donghyuck live here?

"would you rather peppermint tea or green tea? i was thinking green tea since it's a little cold out for peppermint, but i guess it matches the season so i'm not sure. so. winter spirit, or deny the inevitable for a little longer?"

"um," jeno swallows the lump in his throat. a shaky smile forms on his lips. "i'll take a green tea, please."

"deny the inevitable it is!" donghyuck hums and begins to whistle to himself, puttering behind the counter for a few minutes before placing jeno's mug on the coffee table. "your order, good sir."

the smile comes easier this time.

they sip at their drinks in silence for a few minutes before donghyuck levels jeno with a shit-eating grin. jeno cowers internally. _here it comes._

 _"sooooo~"_ donghyuck drawls, poking him in the chest. the playfulness is back in his eyes. "you're goofier than you let on! i didn't take you for a sing-to-your-plants type of man."

that was not what jeno was expecting. his original plan was to clam up so as to not reveal more information about himself and politely usher donghyuck out as soon as socially acceptable, but that all goes out the window as soon as his paternal plant instincts are threatened. "of course i do! they say talking to plants is good for them, after all."

"it is." donghyuck beams. "i sing to mine every morning. i mean, not a show-stopping performance like yours, but a little tune now and then. the oxygen really does wonders for them!"

oh, yeah. lee donghyuck, the boy with the angel's voice. jeno feels a little stupid for forgetting donghyuck's larger than life reputation, letting it slip his mind that jeno is nothing more than a passing inconvenience in a sea of admirers.

he doesn't know why that sentence tastes so bitter in his mind.

donghyuck seems to notice him stiffen, a line of tension tightening between his own shoulders. his eyebrows scrunch together, gaze wandering awkwardly around the room as he taps at his thigh. suddenly, his eyes light up and he starts digging around in his bag. he produces a stack of flat white sticks and a small bag of dirt, laying it on the table.

"what is— oh?" jeno leans forward to flip through the stack of sticks.

 _flo, bonnie minus clyde, amelia bedelia, iu, sporty spice, simon the spider slayer, pebbles, exo's the power of music: the 4th album repackage, spatula, kimberly the indestructible, fuzz lightyear, pollen allergy, watermelon bubblegum, prickles, cuddles, moose, ramen, baseball cap, craig, jaemin's supreme hoodie,_ the list goes on.

"these— these are my plants' names?!" jeno looks up at donghyuck with wide eyes. each name is handwritten in pretty script across each stick, with the scientific name of the plant, a short description, and a few maintenance tips on the back. it's glaringly obvious that jeno gave up on conventional, serious names after a while (after the first one, actually).

"they're name tags for your little guys. i dunno, i figured it must be a lot to keep track of so markers might be helpful." donghyuck averts his eyes, scratching lightly at his cheek. "just shove them a few inches into the soil of your pots and they should be ready to go."

"oh my gosh, how long did this take you?" jeno continues to spread them across the table. there must be at least fifty, and so carefully crafted. he feels something glow between his ribcage.

donghyuck did this all...for him?

"it was no big deal, really!" donghyuck waves it off, "trust me, it was a well appreciated break from my fucking environmental biology textbook." donghyuck heaves the bag of dirt off the table. "i also brought over some nutrient rich soil for you. i, uh, noticed some of your plants could use a little help?" his voice pitches up as if he's trying not to cross a line by insulting jeno's plant-parenting skills. jeno blows his bangs out of his eyes and gives him an appreciative smile. he'd be the first one to admit his knowledge of plant care is actually not that great.

"i...thank you, donghyuck. really, thank you." jeno takes the bag from him, stunned at the unexpected generosity and thoughtfulness of the boy sitting in front of him. he's overwhelmed, honestly. "uh, what do i do with this?"

donghyuck lets a little laugh escape from his lips, but it's a bit thin and wobbly. jeno tilts his head. why would he be nervous...? "you might want to repot some of your flowers. some of them look like they need richer soil, and others just look too big for their pots and could use bigger containers. i, um. i can help, if you want?"

the question hangs heavy in the air for a moment, almost like donghyuck is aware of the line he's toeing between polite project partner and potential genuine new friend. finally, jeno nods, and donghyuck visibly relaxes. jeno hoists the bag of soil into the air, grinning. he motions to the rows of flowerpots. "shall we?"

**. . .**

"be careful when you dig it up, you don't want to damage it." donghyuck instructs jeno as they work side by side. the boy is drowning in a pair of jeno's kitchen gloves, the sunflower dotted material reaching up to his elbows. jeno dislodges a plant from the soil, wincing at the ashy gray roots. they're flecked with black dots, deep grooves running along the spindly ends. zombie plants aren't too pretty under the surface, he supposes. he steals a nervous glance at donghyuck, but the boy doesn't seem to mind. if he notices, he doesn't say a word.

donghyuck grabs a pair of scissors from the table to snip at some roots. "it's been a while since you've repotted, right?"

jeno flushes and nods. try _never._

"yeah, there are some excess roots here that may be affecting the plant's ability to soak up water effectively. that can also be the soil, though. dead soil can cause water to pool on the surface and not sink in."

jeno blinks a few times. he's never actually checked if the water has been absorbed into the soil or not. "wow, how do you know all this?"

donghyuck's fingers slow for a second. "i'm a botany minor. i'm...naturally good with plants, so i've kind of always been drawn towards them."

"that's really cool! i didn't know we had a botany department." jeno stares down at his hands as he works. the petals of his orchid plant almost shy away from his touch as he wiggles the plant from its pot. he'd love to do botany, but he'd feel horrible if he accidentally killed anyone's projects. sure, he could revive them, but— he glares at the sickly roots— it's clearly not the same.

"we do! we're really small, but very welcoming." donghyuck levels him with a dazzling smile. "i'll show you around our greenhouse sometime."

eyes still glued on his task, jeno feels a real smile burst forth. "i'd really love that."

they work quietly for a few more minutes before donghyuck speaks, seemingly uncomfortable with the silence. "you're feeling better today." he observes. "i wasn't sure if you’d be up for the library so i figured i'd just come by with the books. didn't expect a show, though!" they laugh nervously, both parties knowing what's coming. "by the way, um, what was that, jeno?"

"you've never seen a guy sing before?"

donghyuck's movements stall. "jeno."

jeno's had some time to process, so he doesn't immediately shut down at the question. at this point, donghyuck deserves an explanation. jeno was careless and got caught, so he should face the consequences. donghyuck isn't scared of him _yet_ despite witnessing his magic, so maybe he'll only half-ruin jeno's life once he discovers where the magic comes from.

"yeah. yeah, i know." he licks his lips. "i, uh. well, it was magic."

donghyuck rolls his eyes. " _duh._ what kind though? i'm not familiar."

donghyuck's oddly easy acceptance of magic floats right above jeno's head as he struggles to piece his words together in the least concerning manner. something close to the truth, but not too specific would probably be the safest option, right?

_i have satan's blood flowing through my veins._

nah, not really true. he's got his own blood. satan is more of the dude in charge, like the necromancy general manager.

_well, let's just say i could probably kill you right now._

nope, definitely too threatening.

_i can command the dead._

jeno kind of sucks at communicating with spirits, so he's not even going to touch that one.

_i wield black magic like a goddamn fairytale villain._

no. just— just no.

"i'm a necromancer." he blurts, immediately following the confession up with a smack to his forehead. "ow. oh my god, why did i say that. why did i _say_ that—"

"that makes so much sense!"

"what. it makes _what."_ jeno's world tilts a few degrees. is he hallucinating? he pinches himself on the wrist, yelping as the throbbing joins the pain swelling on his forehead. what the fuck. what the _fuck._

donghyuck hums as he pulls another flowerpot towards him, looking wholly unperturbed. "i mean, with the lack of proper care you give these babies, i was really wondering how any of them were alive at all. necromancy makes a lot of sense. can you pass me the trowel?"

"this is fucking absurd." jeno mumbles as he hands over the tool. "i do _black magic,_ donghyuck. villain shit. that isn't something to fuck around with."

donghyuck huffs, blowing his hair out of his eyes. jeno watches as it drifts lazily back to his forehead, small tufts sticking up here and there. it's cute. he mentally kicks himself. now is not the time to unpack that, jeno. "do you expect me to be _afraid_ of you? when you permanently look like an overgrown puppy? you can't fool me. the only thing threatening about you is that you look like you get too overwhelmed and hug people really tightly."

jeno splutters, but can't find the words to protest. donghyuck sets down the last flowerpot with a triumphant "ah-HA!" and dusts off his hands. he turns towards jeno, eyes curved up in a smile.

the honey-gold light of the setting sun illuminates him in a glow that takes jeno's breath away. he can't differentiate freckles from flecks of dirt across donghyuck's cheekbones. before he can stop himself, he swipes at some of the dirt with his thumb. his hand lingers for just a fraction of a second too long, cupping donghyuck's cheek softly. donghyuck's eyes are wide, mouth dropped open at the gesture, but he never flinches away from jeno's touch— not even on instinct.

_he's really not afraid._

"you— you had some soil. on your face." jeno trips over his words, realizing that it doesn't look like any dirt actually came off donghyuck's cheek. donghyuck's lips quiver like he's holding back a grin, god damn it. he definitely noticed.

donghyuck places his hands on his hips after wriggling the gloves off, turning to survey the plants. jeno exhales slowly, cringing so hard he thinks his lungs might collapse. he'd welcome it at this point. what is satan gonna do, send him back? he brings his hands up to his temples. what the fuck is he doing. oh my god.

donghyuck claps appreciatively. "they look so much happier now! i'd recommend less fertilizer in the beginning and middle of winter, since most of these plants go dormant and they don't need it. less water, too! you don't want to drown them by clogging up the air in the soil— they need that shit. slowly increase the amount of organic fertilizer and water as it gets closer to spring so it's not such a harsh transition. hmmm, what else..." donghyuck taps at his lower lip in thought and jeno tries very hard not to track the motion with his eyes. very hard. good effort, jeno.

"open your curtains more often, they'll need all the light they can get. also, keep the leafier ones dusted in the winter! lots of people forget this, but dust on leaves blocks out light that plants desperately need for photosynthesis, especially here in the winter when the light is already kind of weak." donghyuck starts to gather up his books as he talks. jeno bites his lip. he kind of doesn't want donghyuck to leave— just because once again, they've accomplished nothing on the project. yeah, definitely that.

"oh!" donghyuck digs for a pen, ripping a small piece of paper from a notepad. "indoor air can be pretty dry, so try grabbing a small bowl and filling it with pebbles and water to humidify things a bit. here, i'll write you a list of stuff to pick up—”

"oh my god." jeno says weakly at the barrage of information. "apparently i know fucking nothing about plants."

donghyuck shoves the note into jeno's hand and hikes his backpack up on his shoulder. "well, i've got to go study for my japanese midterm. but, jeno—“ donghyuck interrupts himself with a laugh as jeno perks up like a puppy, "if you want, i can teach you how to properly take care of your plants so you don't have to revive them all the time."

"really?"

"yeah. hey, maybe my green thumb can cancel out your black thumb."

donghyuck's smile is burned into jeno's mind long after the door closes behind him.

**. . .**

jeno's thumb hovers over the button for a few seconds. with a sharp exhale, he presses send before he can doubt himself for the umpteenth time in the past hour he's been debating over this. he throws his phone onto his bedside table and buries his face in the pillow to hide the red burning on his cheeks. no big deal. no big deal at all.

**[9:34 p.m]** **me:**

hey, just wanted to say good luck on your japanese midterm tomorrow. you'll do great.

**[9:36 p.m]** **donghyuck lee (history partner):**

thanks, jeno!!!! :')

**. . .**

"i can't believe i'm doing this." jeno mumbles, plucking a bag of soil from the shelf. he folds himself over the shopping cart as he pushes it, gradually checking off each item on donghyuck's list. it's written down on a jumbo sticky note that's decorated with elephants. the text, _shit i'll forget if i don't write it down,_ is printed in a speech bubble coming from one of the elephants on the top. it's so donghyuck it _hurts._

donghyuck's been stealing glances at him in class the last few days— not that jeno's been looking at him, of course. he just...he just knows. they make eye contact in the dining hall sometimes, electricity crackling between them the second before they avert their eyes again. donghyuck always looks vaguely out of place no matter where he's sitting, even surrounded by hordes of athletes that match his enthusiasm easily.

jeno swears he must be hallucinating the pink showering donghyuck's high cheekbones when jeno offers him a little wave on a sunny tuesday afternoon. he doesn't know what came over him, but there was something particularly pitiful swimming in donghyuck's gaze that day.

jaemin must be hallucinating too, judging from the way his elbow digs into jeno's side and how he snickers when he glances between the two. even mark looks a little amused, though, which is probably a bad sign. man, if 'so caught up in his head that he can't see the two lovestruck idiots hanging off his arms' mark thinks something's up, then...

"donghyuck lee," jeno stares up into the flickering fluorescent lights of the shop when he heads to the checkout with his full cart, "you are a force to be reckoned with."

**. . .**

"so you're in love with him."

 _"fuck you_ no i'm not!" jeno hurls another piece of popcorn at renjun's head, but the fucker is too good at dodging. you'd have to be to live with jaemin, who's like a wildfire in human form, but goddamn if it isn't unsatisfying to see renjun swiftly evade jeno's efforts.

"i don't know why you bothered to call me over if you're still in the denial phase." renjun pops his bubblegum. "i'm not gonna tell you anything you want to hear."

"i didn't invite you over. you showed up on my couch this morning and wouldn't leave until i lent you my guitar and let you eat my snacks." jeno grumbles.

"oh, yeah."

renjun's drowning in one of jaemin's hoodies. he's huddled into a tiny ball on jeno's rocking chair, renjun's favorite spot in the apartment. what a little parasite. jeno would die for him.

"hey, why don't you two focus on your own love life for once? start harassing mark and leave me out of it!" jeno whines. he, notably, does not have as sharp reflexes as renjun, as evidenced by the gummy bear currently sliding down his cheek. he flicks it off.

"i'll have you know jaemin and i are gonna ask him out on a date!" renjun looks very satisfied with himself until jeno hits him with the _when?_ question. he bristles. "he's a busy man, okay? we have to time it right—"

"okay, okay, jun-jun." jeno rolls his eyes, but it's fond. it always is. "good luck. seriously."

renjun's lips curve into a half smile. "thanks, jeno."

jeno fails to dodge a whole ass umbrella this time, and renjun lets out a whoop of victory that sounds entirely too loud to have come from his tiny body.

they hang out for a while longer, pencils scratching away at homework only occasionally. mostly, they just dick around under the false pretense of getting work done— a staple of well-adjusted college students.

"is that...the creepy green m&m from the commercials?"

jeno slams his tablet pen down. "what the fuck! how did you guess it so fast?! it's literally just a green blob with eyes."

"what can i say, i'm good at pictionary." renjun narrows his eyes at the sad little doodle. "you got the horniness in her eyes all wrong."

"i was getting to it." jeno pouts at the criticism, but his eyes light up again as a reminder pops up on the screen, eclipsing the shoddy green m&m. it's for the better in more ways than one. he flaps his hand excitedly. "ooh, get out get out! donghyuck is coming over soon."

renjun waggles his eyebrows teasingly as jeno all but shoves him out the door. "have fun coming to terms with your _crushhhhh~"_ renjun singsongs, swatting him on the shoulder and slipping out the door before jeno can shove a trowel in his mouth.

"jeno?"

jeno yelps, nearly slamming the door in donghyuck's face. "d-donghyuck! ah-ha, how long have you been standing there..."

donghyuck steps inside with a giggle, surveying the room. "wow, your plants look better already!"

right, the plants. donghyuck's here for the plants and the project, and nothing else. jeno shakes his head sharply to ground himself. it's probably for the best if he keeps that in mind. he glances at the calendar hastily tacked up by the door. with the way things are going, they likely won't need more than another few weeks to finish.

there's an odd ache in his chest at the thought, but he shoves it aside to help donghyuck lay out the books on the table. he's not sure why they ditched the library entirely. it must be because of jeno's mini greenhouse— donghyuck looks like he has stars in his eyes whenever he's over. it was an unspoken thing, but they'd gradually moved their work sessions to the apartment more and more often until it became their default.

jeno nearly falls asleep between the pages of ‘daily life through the eyes of the byzantine empire’, sleepily flicking through to find a decent quote for the next section. after an hour, donghyuck's chair screeches back and he stands up to stretch. jeno snaps to attention at the noise, blearily opening his eyes just to catch donghyuck's sweater ride up just the slightest.

jeno swallows a squeak and very determinedly turns back to the book, but donghyuck's hand latches around his wrist. "enough work!" he tugs jeno up, and jeno is adamant that his stumbling is because he was caught off guard, not that he was hyper focusing on the feeling of donghyuck's hand in his— trust him. "let's do something fun~"

donghyuck stops short, nearly making jeno crash into the petunias. "hey—" jeno whines, but cuts himself off at the look in donghyuck's eyes. he's staring at the saucers of water and pebbles dotting the windowsills, filling up any space that isn't eaten up by plants.

"the humidifier, the dust wipes, the— jeno, you even bought the organic fertilizer?" donghyuck's got one hand tangled in his sweater, clutched over his chest. when he turns, his gaze is brimming with delight.

"y-yeah, of course i did?" jeno's voice pitches in embarrassment. "i mean, why wouldn't i...? you wrote me out that list and everything."

"still, i can't believe you actually listened and— and _followed_ my advice...wow." donghyuck runs one fingertip along the windowsill as he walks, peering into the flowerbeds. "wow."

"ouch! you really thought that little of me, lee?" jeno teases, but donghyuck responds with such solemness that it knocks him breathless.

"nah, i'm just not used to people humoring me with things that make me happy."

the comment seems so casual to donghyuck, delivered with a roll of his eyes and a mocking click of his tongue, but the tone falls too flat to be a joke. it's probably nothing more than an absentminded response tossed out as he focuses on drawing out a watering schedule.

it _should_ be, but to jeno it runs deep. it stings like a shard of glass lodged into his chest, one he's desperate to rip out.

"i'm not just _humoring_ you, hyuck." the words bleed more passion than jeno intended, and donghyuck startles. the pen in his hand slips, scratching a stray line across the calendar. "seriously. you— you have a lot of valuable things to say, why wouldn't i listen? not to mention you're literally saving my life here by teaching me to garden."

donghyuck's lips quirk up into a smile, but there's something fragile about it. it doesn't reach his eyes— almost like the fake ones he pastes on at school, but more guarded. "isn't saving lives more of your thing?"

"shut _up,_ hyuck." donghyuck clearly isn't as good at dodging as renjun since the kitchen glove catches him right in the shoulder.

he pouts, swiping at jeno's baseball cap in retaliation. jeno tries to duck, but holy fuck donghyuck is an _agile_ bastard and successfully knocks it off, whooping and hollering as it plops into the watering can.

jeno sets his jaw, grin stretching from ear to ear. "oh, it is _on."_

this time the smile not only reaches donghyuck's eyes, it shines right through.

they settle down after a while because it starts to get too chilly to keep the windows thrown open. "whoa, it's almost six." jeno cranes his neck to survey the sky. the sun lurks just above the horizon, scattering pinks and oranges across the sky. it should be illegal, the way donghyuck positively glows as he catches his breath in the frosty evening air.

jeno's flowers look better than they ever have. he always assumed that when he revives them they fully return to their former glory, but that can't possibly be true. these flowers are not only alive, but they're _thriving,_ bursting with radiance and pep and an energy jeno's never seen before. they practically cuddle up to donghyuck's touch, stretching after him when he pulls away. in only a few weeks, jeno's apartment transformed from a dim little shack of rapidly dying zombie plants to a warm home with light and love filling every corner. "this is incredible..." jeno breathes, cupping his hands around the bloom of a primrose. "you're magical!"

"eh, only a quarter. i've actually got more italian in me than magic, would you believe that?"

"wait, what?" jeno's brain catches up to him and it feels like a sock to the gut. "rewind, please?"

"mm...i have some green witch blood running through my veins. it's not even enough to be noteworthy but i figured...you trusted me, so i should trust you, right?" donghyuck is exceptional at masking his emotions behind a mischievous facade, but jeno is slowly learning how to peel that away. he doesn't miss the way donghyuck rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, avoiding eye contact.

jeno flashes his warmest smile, letting his eyes curve up into crescent moons. "of course you can trust me."

donghyuck exhales, and the line of worry between his eyebrows smooths out. "heh, yeah. i guess i can. it's not really a big deal, to be honest. i don't have a lot of magic in me, so it's more of an instinctual...mutual affinity, if you will, between me and nature."

jeno glares at the flower in front of him. _lucky bastards._

"i can't, like, chant spells or do anything cool. it's not even conscious, honestly. like, look." donghyuck singles out a daffodil that looks a bit droopier than the rest. he doesn't close his eyes entirely, but they unfocus, pupils dilating. his hands raise level to the plant. a soft, greenish-gold hue glows from his palms, creeping across the flower like mist enveloping a silhouette. the flower perks up as the magic sinks into its stalk. veins on the leaves shimmer gold, tracking the magic as it moves.

the gentle nature magic is so far removed from jeno's dense, dark sparks.

 _we live in completely different worlds._ jeno watches the gold glitter invitingly in the setting sun. the realization hangs heavy in his chest like a bowling ball on top of his lungs.

donghyuck's eyes flutter closed. when they open, the glaze is gone and the hum of color edging his hands seeps back into his skin. "see?"

"damn," jeno whistles through the tightness in his throat. the enchanted flower is even more vibrant than the rest, pure gold in the sea of yellow. "what's the point of all this fancy fertilizer stuff then? you could just heal my plants every day."

"you want me around all the time?" donghyuck cocks an eyebrow. jeno can only laugh awkwardly, mouth running dry all of a sudden. "just kidding. i prefer to garden the old fashioned way when i can. it's more fun, and more accessible because i can teach others."

"like me?"

"yeah. like you."

donghyuck stays for dinner again, and this time jeno can't bring himself to fake being annoyed by it.

**. . .**

**[12:22 p.m]** **nana-bear ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧:**

so how's my lovesick bestie doing (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

**[12:30 p.m] me:**

you know i hate those faces jaemin :/

**[3:33 a.m]** **nana-bear ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧:**

i will fucking get you

(`ー´)

**. . .**

for a while, things look up.

donghyuck comes over more often, and jeno starts to anticipate the sight of the boy riding his bike down the street. he'll peek out the window at noon, waiting to see a blur of silver racing down the road. they mostly focus on the project, which is nearly done, or jeno's plants, which are thriving under the proper care. glaring at the big red due date on his calendar, jeno desperately wishes donghyuck was interested in _him_ instead. maybe then he'd have a chance.

maybe then donghyuck wouldn't leave.

jeno sways, fingers scrabbling to hang on to the doorknob. bowing his head, he rests for a few seconds before pushing inside the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. it doesn't help the headache swirling around his temples, but it forces him a little further into awareness.

jeno swears he can catch shadows slinking around his peripherals like gum sticking to the bottom of his shoes. there's a certain weakness behind his knees, a full body ache that threatens to collapse like a dying star. he's been gutted and sucked bone-dry, pale skin stretched taut over his frail skeleton. jeno cringes as he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, pressing his fingers into the deep bruising underneath his eyes. his hair is brittle when he rolls it between his fingers, cracked lips pulling into a sour frown as he blows it out of his face.

jeno's plants may have been getting the luxury donghyuck treatment, but that doesn't mean jeno could slack off on the rest of the city. his knees buckle again, forehead nearly greeting the sink. he lowers himself on shaky arms and lays one cheek against the cool marble. he breathes deeply, hyper aware of the way air wheezes in his trembling chest.

there's no time off in the winter, no matter how sick he gets.

someone pounds at the door and jeno groans expletives into the counter. he pats himself off with a washcloth before fruitlessly tangling with his hair. after it’s clear that he's the most put together he's going to get, he heads over to the door.

donghyuck is shaking snow from his hair, stomping his boots clean on the welcome mat outside jeno's door. the ratty mat is faded green and embellished with the image of a cat swiping at a cactus, a gift from jaemin a few christmases ago. donghyuck smiles at it as he toes his boots off. jeno doesn't know how he can even see it, considering he's bundled up in a massive puffy coat that turns him into a cute little marshmallow, round cheeks squished from the fluffy hood.

(jeno also wants to squish his ch-- oh my god, no. that was not a thought jeno just had. no, no. no one can prove anything.)

"man, the weather is getting really bad out there!" donghyuck's wrinkled nose is stained red from the cold. snowflakes are still caught in his long eyelashes.

"you're telling me." jeno tries to disguise his discomfort, but his stuffy nose tanks the performance. donghyuck _tsks_ as he wanders over to him. when he presses the back of his hand to jeno's forehead, jeno can't help but focus on the tingle of energy that sings as their skin makes contact.

"jeno, you're burning up..." donghyuck frowns, but doesn't retract his hand.

"that's just because you've been outside. of course i feel hot to you."

"oh yeah you do," donghyuck winks, sending jeno into a coughing fit. the teasing look melts from his face after a moment, and his lips thin out. "seriously, jeno, are you okay? you've been getting sick so easily lately."

jeno crosses his arms, staring out at the bleak afternoon. gray clouds blot the sky, snow drifting down slowly. the city is quieter these days, the roar of cars dampened by the quilt of white. quite a bit has already collected on the roads below, and jeno shudders at the thought of redoubling his efforts to keep the city fresh and blooming. he rolls his neck, massaging the aching muscles. it's not a problem-- he's had tougher years, after all.

"my immune system is shit. don't worry about it, hyuck." to his surprise, donghyuck's eyes twinkle. "...what?"

"nothing." donghyuck heads to the sink and starts filling up a watering can. "i just like when you call me hyuck."

_oh._

"i— well that's— i mean, it's your name so why w-wouldn't i, ah-ha..." jeno stutters. he catches up to donghyuck, dipping his head in thanks when the boy hands him the watering can and pretends like the last ten minutes didn't happen.

donghyuck gently teaches him how to weed his houseplants, which jeno didn't even know was a thing he was supposed to do. they work silently, but there's something odd about donghyuck's expression. the guilt of jeno's white lie pulses in his chest, aching between his ribs and threatening to crawl up his throat. before he knows it, he's speaking.

"it saps my energy. the— the whole revival thing." donghyuck tilts his head in question, and jeno forges ahead. "i, uh. sometimes i like to refresh the city when i go out for walks, but necromancy...well, it always comes with a price. that's the one thing all those horror movies get right. my immune system does kind of suck, but it's more that...once winter comes, everyone gets so sad, you know? keeping some bright colors alive amidst all the gray can really make a difference, and it only takes a bit of my strength once a flower starts to die..." jeno rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. "it adds up though. i always forget that."

"oh, jen..." donghyuck sets down his trowel, shucking off his gloves and prodding at jeno's face again. once satisfied, he rocks back on his heels, hands on his hips and shaking his head. "is that why the flower beds around town never die, even in the middle of winter? i always wondered how they were so resilient."

he almost seems impressed before the implications of jeno's admission catches up to him. eyebrows scrunching, donghyuck crosses his arms. "wait a minute. _jeno lee._ you can't be putting your health on the line for your flowers!"

"it's not a big deal." jeno tries to wave it off, but donghyuck snatches his hand from the air. his face pinches as he trails his other hand along jeno's forearm. jeno's veins are always dark when he's drained of magic. they're a stark contrast against his pale skin, vessels charred by the red hot magic as it struggles to return to his core. it's not a pretty sight, and jeno's heart squeezes as donghyuck's frown deepens.

"you're shaking, idiot." donghyuck herds him further back in the apartment until jeno's knees hit something soft. "now sit."

jeno all but collapses onto the couch, his body suddenly remembering how weak it is. donghyuck grabs two mugs of tea and a blanket for jeno, settling onto the couch as well. is jeno delirious already, or is donghyuck sitting closer than he used to?

"m'sorry i keep stalling our project." jeno's words are muffled by the soft quilt. now he's the one bundled up like a marshmallow. ~~not as cute as donghyuck, though.~~

donghyuck responds just a little too quickly, "oh, no, it's totally fine! take your time, um, i don't mind."

"really? i feel bad though, i keep dragging you over here and we don't even get any work done. it must be so annoying."

"not at all." donghyuck bites down on his lip, conflict flashing across his face like he's barely holding something back. he's never looked so small. "uh, i've actually been meaning to ask... would you mind if i sat with you guys at the dining hall some time? even after the project is over. like, it's totally fine if you don't want me to bother you in the middle of the day, too, but i just—"

jeno's brows draw together. he can't deny the flame flickering excitedly in his chest at the thought of spending more time with the boy, but it's overpowered by bewilderment. without thinking, some of the confusion slips into his voice. "why though?"

"huh?"

"donghyuck, you're like...one of the most popular people in the entire school. everyone loves you— between all your teams and clubs and classes, you must have better friends to sit with." jeno sits up, leaning closer to donghyuck. the boy starts to curl in on himself, staring at his hands.

"i don't."

jeno sets his mug down. "what do you mean?"

there's a wry smile marring donghyuck's face, and jeno wants nothing more than to wipe it away. his stare cuts right through the coffee table as his mouth moves, voice airy like he's miles away, unable to stop the dam bursting behind his teeth. "oh, they don't care about me, jeno. they hardly even know me. they only want to hang out with perfect donghyuck lee who they can use for straight A's and will let them walk all over him and i'm— i'm _sick_ of it, jeno, but what can i do? i always just thought that's how things have to be— that it's fine because i'm used to it."

donghyuck meets his gaze for a moment before dropping his head into his hands. jeno's heart splinters at the desperation and defeat he caught welling up in his eyes. donghyuck's voice thickens. "no one listens to me, jeno. no one cares."

"i care." donghyuck's head snaps up in shock as jeno reaches for his hand. "i do. i care about you a lot." jeno speaks firmly, desperately trying to translate the emotions building in his throat to words. "you're the first person that's bothered to try breaking down my walls in _years._ you didn't run away when you learned what i was. you _stayed,_ hyuck. no one ever stays." he swallows hard. "i like hearing you talk about things you're passionate about. you have a lot of valuable things to say and your heart is _so good_ so don't— don't let some idiots beat you down for it, okay?"

donghyuck's eyes are blown wide, a deep flush staining his cheeks. tears threaten to spill down his cheeks, but donghyuck swipes at them before jeno can. "thank you, jen." his watery smile strengthens a little. "really, thank you. i didn't...i didn't realize how much i needed to hear that." it's only when donghyuck squeezes his hand that jeno realizes he's been gripping it tightly this whole time. he snatches his hand back in embarrassment, already longing for that feeling of security again.

"does this mean i can sit with you guys?"

jeno can’t help the fond wheeze that escapes his lips. "of course, hyuck, you're always welcome with us."

donghyuck's eyes curve up in relief. jeno is still leaning forward, foreheads inches apart. their gazes lock, and jeno's heartbeat rattles behind his teeth at the sight of the fondness that shimmers across donghyuck's features. this close, he can nearly count each and every one of donghyuck's moles. they're quiet for a few moments, breathing together in solidarity. it's calm, a small pocket of the universe cut out just for them—

until jeno fucking _sneezes._

"oh my god, you need to rest!" donghyuck removes jeno's mug from his hand, grumbling like an exasperated mother as he shoos him toward his bedroom.

jeno stifles a yawn, nose tickling with the promise of another sneeze. "i'm not— ah- _choo_ — even that sick!"

"get in the bed."

"i'm not five, hyuck."

"then act like it. get in the fucking bed jeno, you need to rest and recover." donghyuck points insistently, and jeno grumbles. "don't even tell me you're not tired when you practically just fell asleep while talking."

jeno turns his best puppy dog eyes on donghyuck, but the boy must be made out of steel because he doesn't even flinch as he switches the lights off.

"see you tomorrow, hyuck." he whispers, finally resigning himself to the welcoming drowsiness flirting with the edges of his awareness. it's a minute before donghyuck responds, and jeno's on the brink of consciousness, eyelids heavy.

"jen." donghyuck calls softly, and jeno drags his eyes open for another moment. donghyuck tugs his scarf down from his mouth, face softening. his red rimmed eyes glimmer with an impossible tenderness, and it’s a feeling that jeno could cherish for the rest of his life. he wants to hold it close to his heart and hide it from the world, a treasure stashed just for him when the nights stretch a few hours too long and the shadows come knocking at his door.

"take care of yourself, okay? i mean it."

and then donghyuck is gone. jeno would've thought he dreamed the whole thing, if not for the second cup of honey tea sitting on the coffee table.

**. . .**

"you're literally so stupid if you still think donghyuck doesn't like you." jaemin hangs upside down from his bed, trying to see how long he lasts before the blood rushing to his head makes him pass out.

"he does _not._ we're...friends, now, and nothing more. i don't like hyuck, and he doesn't like me. easy peasy, nothing to dwell on. sorry to burst your bubble, you hopeless romantic." jeno says to his crossword puzzle. "we'll finish the project, he'll teach me about plants until i'm self-sufficient, end of story. he'll go back to his promising life in the spotlight and i'll go back to being the boy in the back of class."

easy, familiar, _safe._

_i always just thought that's how things have to be._

jeno used to think the same, but the words don't bring as much comfort as they used to.

"who are you trying to convince here, jeno?" jeno shoots his best death glare at jaemin, who looks about as smug as one can get when his face is nearly purple, eyes bugging out. somehow, jaemin still manages to roll his eyes. "my god, donghyuck must be moronsexual. good for him."

"shut up or i'll glue you there, bug boy."

**. . .**

**[2:12 a.m]** **cutie** **injunnie!!!!!:**

if you want to be loved, you must first subject yourself to the mortifying idea of being known.

**[2:20 a.m] me:**

you stole that from tumblr, asshole

give renjun his phone back :[

**[2:22 a.m]** **cutie** **injunnie!!!!!:**

not my fault you blocked my number jen-jen (╥﹏╥)

**[2:25 a.m]** **me:**

keep it up and i'll block injun too <3

**. . .**

"what does a necromancer do, exactly?"

donghyuck is over again (shocker). jeno is starting to settle into this schedule. a few times a week donghyuck will bang on his door at around one o'clock, steal snacks from his cabinet, and then settle down to work on their project for an hour. it's coming along nicely, but every time jeno thinks they're going to finish, donghyuck claims that he's tired and the books are making his head swim. he'll lay on jeno's rug and they'll talk about nothing for hours, or he'll drag jeno outside to play in the snow (only on days where jeno is feeling up to it) or he'll bring over origami paper or video games for them to mess with.

“you look like you need more fun in your life!” donghyuck says one day, brandishing a box of hair bleach with a rather threatening grin.

“fuck no, you're going to make me go bald!” donghyuck chases jeno around the apartment until they're both collapsed on the floor in a giggle fit. every time jeno glances at donghyuck he can't help but imagine him with a bright, shiny, bald head, and they dissolve into laughter again. he'd probably rock it, honestly.

somehow, donghyuck still ropes jeno into helping him shave a slit into his eyebrow. well, it's not really that much of a mystery; donghyuck's got jeno wrapped around his finger. he's started to sit with jeno and his friends every day in the dining hall, and jeno can't believe how much donghyuck shines when he's with people he's comfortable around. he's ashamed that he ever thought the donghyuck with the plastic smile in a crowd of roaring fans was ever the real donghyuck, who forgets to take off his shoes at the door and sneezes when his face first hits the sun.

donghyuck seems determined to make himself a permanent fixture in jeno's life, but jeno won't complain.

"ah! lighter hand, jeno!" donghyuck reaches over to lift the watering can up. jeno blinks, looking down. his wandering mind resulted in his sunflowers sitting in an inch of water.

"damn it..." jeno just can't get the hang of this 'proper gardening techniques' thing.

"it's fine. here, let me—” donghyuck shuffles into his side, reaching to cover jeno's hands with his own. he helps jeno raise the tool, adjusting until it's at the right angle to dispense water without creating a massive fucking waterfall. "um, sorry if that question was too personal. i didn't mean to make you uncom—"

"no, no!" jeno shakes his head so violently he nearly whacks donghyuck in the face. whew, that was close.

(close. they're close. _very_ close. he can almost rest his chin on donghyuck's shoulder.)

jeno thinks it over for a few minutes. he normally detests talking about his abilities at all. he deeply resents his magic, not to mention the crushing vulnerability he experiences from admitting that and confronting what his powers actually mean, but donghyuck...it's _donghyuck._ it's just a harmless question from a curious boy who hasn't run away from him yet, despite it all. it can't hurt, right?

"i can do a lot of stuff, but i only have good control in small doses. i never learned how to tame my magic." there's a faraway look in his eyes. it's only dispelled when donghyuck's warm hands close over his again, gently transferring the watering can to the next flowerbed. "personally, i like to stick to my little revival trick with my flowers. i know the costs and don't mind them, and i can use my powers without worrying about taking on too big of a project or losing my grip. if i go too long without using it i feel so...restless, you know? it's like an itch under my skin. my magic doesn't like me very much, but it _really_ doesn't like being pent up for too long."

donghyuck nods, soaking in the information. "i can kind of understand that. i only have a tinge of magic in my blood, but i do get antsy if i don't find an outlet for it. that's why my botany minor is such a comfort."

"exactly," jeno sets the can down for a moment to straighten a marker that had fallen over in the pot. when he picks up the can, donghyuck's hands rest on his again. "except there's no resurrection minor at our school. not that i'm aware of, anyways."

donghyuck clicks his tongue in thought. "maybe not, but have you ever thought about sneaking into the biology department late at night and reviving all the animals preserved for dissection? you could run a _killer_ youtube prank channel with your abilities."

jeno bursts into laughter, chest lightening at the banter. he scoffs, but there's no heat behind it. "totally, because prank channels are the most morally upstanding people around. who wouldn't want to be one?"

"i think i'd cry if anyone got mad at me."

"yeah, me too." jeno's mind drifts again, redirected by the thrum of magic against his skin. the energy is pushing at the base of his throat, inflating his chest like it's desperate for him to keep talking. maybe he should listen, for once. "a-anyways, besides my flowers i've pretty much sworn off using my abilities. it's just not worth the price..." jeno shakes his head. "no matter how many times i say that, though, it doesn't deter most people who uncover my secret from harassing me to fulfill their requests."

he's never pushed these boundaries with anyone, not even renjun and jaemin— but something about the affection sparkling in donghyuck's gaze allows his volatile magic to unchain itself from where jeno shoves it down, words erupting from his heart and twisting from his tongue. it's terrifying, and jeno isn't sure why he's still speaking. his guard is slowly cracking, and his magic nuzzles him as his grip slackens.

maybe it's okay to trust.

"really?" donghyuck's lips pucker into a surprised little 'o'. it's kind of cute, actually, the protectiveness that crosses his face. "what do people ask you to do?"

jeno shifts uncomfortably, pouring more water into his orchids. "well, there's a range of stuff. people that know me typically don't go committing murder on the daily, so it's not like i get requests like that often. if someone wants me to bring something back to life, it's usually pets or family members. those requests are...hard to refuse." jeno's eyebrows furrow, heart wilting in his chest at the thought of the hysterical people that come to his door hearing of his abilities, crying and pounding on the wall as they beg him to bring their loved ones back. it's horrible.

death is a horrible thing. jeno hates wielding any connection with it.

donghyuck's gentle hand on his arm jolts him from the storm cloud forming around his temples. jeno can only stare at him with wide eyes, lower lip trembling the slightest bit. donghyuck gestures to the poor orchid plant. "she's got enough water, sweetheart."

jeno jumps, jerking the watering can back and sloshing water across the windowsill. he glares at the puddles forming, glittering in the dim sunlight, and decidedly ignores the way the tips of his ears had reddened at the pet name (though judging from donghyuck's evil little snicker, it didn't escape him. damn that devil).

"she'll be okay, just don't water her again for a few extra days." donghyuck reassures him, guiding jeno's hand over to the next plant. they work in silence for a few moments as donghyuck allows him to collect his thoughts.

"right, so. sometimes people will call me for accidents, like if they hit an animal on the road. other times people try to use me to heal someone that's sick or injured. no one understands how risky it is...i'd love to help, but fate is a spiteful bitch that doesn't take well to being messed with." jeno swallows around the lump in his throat, hating the way his voice cracks on the next words. "i-i could never forgive myself if i failed."

donghyuck's thumb rubs soft circles into the tender skin of jeno's wrist as they tip the watering can forward. even without lifting his eyes, jeno can sense donghyuck shuffle just a bit closer, fluffy silver hair nearly tickling the bottom of jeno's chin. he hopes donghyuck can't hear the pounding of his heart between his ribs, the blood rushing in his ears.

"anything else?"

jeno hums. "necromancers are supposed to have a general connection with death and the 'underworld', whatever you define by that. besides resurrection, sometimes people ask me to conduct seances."

donghyuck splutters, taking a step back to assess jeno from head to toe. jeno would be lying if he said he didn't miss the warmth of the boy's body pressed close to his. "no _fucking_ way. for real?" donghyuck's eyes bug out when jeno nods. "you're like a goddamn walking ouija board! holy shit!"

jeno scratches at his cheek, waving his other hand furiously. unfortunately he forgot to put the watering can down, so water splashes everywhere. again. "ah, i'm not really that in tune with the spiritual side of things. sometimes people ask me to contact deceased family members or celebrities, or even to exorcise demons and poltergeists from their attics, but it's like...not really my thing?"

donghyuck howls with laughter as he brushes droplets of water from his sleeve. his bright voice falls like music to jeno's ears. "you're a ghostbuster? a man of many talents, i see."

"eugh, i suppose i could see spirits if i really tried." jeno's eyebrows draw into his forehead as his nose wrinkles. "i don't know why anyone would. just sensing them sucks enough because i just get chilly and feel kind of hollow. it's very dull, anyways, since it doesn't come as naturally to me as resurrection does— and even with that it's like my magic is kicking and screaming the whole way. it fuckin' hates me!"

donghyuck huffs, sticking an indignant finger in jeno's face. "hey, stop that! i hate seeing you sell yourself short all the time, jeno. you're more amazing than you think."

a red flush creeps up jeno's neck, and he slaps a hand over it (his free hand, this time. go jeno!). huh. he must be getting a rash, or something.

donghyuck starts to rearrange the room, switching out fragile plants that need more sunlight with the studier plants perched on the windowsill. he groups the succulents in a cute little corner, name tags all facing each other like they're in a conference meeting.

"is there a specific reason why you don't like to use your powers?" he asks off handedly, most of his focus directed to the plants in front of him.

_jeno, it's all your fault!_

jeno's blood freezes in his veins, acutely aware of the blackened vines slithering up his glass spinal cord. hissed words, yellowed with age and jagged at the edges, wriggle through his ear canals, pounding their poisoned fists against his eardrums until he breaks. with each breath more shards of glass pierce his lungs. his vision flickers like a camera shutter, fading gray and fuzzy as he's strangled from the inside out. he gazes at himself from miles away, nothing but a speck of dust drifting against a dying horizon.

_how could you do this to them?_

the bite of nails digging into his palms is the only way jeno knows his hands are balled up into tight fists, knuckles whitening as he presses them against the windowsill. his head swims, splintering and tearing as dripping claws string up his brain matter on a clothesline. he can't feel the pounding of his own heart anymore— he's not sure he even has a pulse.

_you're a monster!_

vermillion sludge floods his vision like a tsunami until it consumes him, searing his skin wherever it touches. it drips menacingly from the mangled mass of metal in front of him, unbothered by the flames licking at it from inside. he doesn't have to touch his shrieking forehead to know his fingers will come back stained with blood.

_they loved you. look where that got them._

"no." jeno spits. it's sharper than he intended, and donghyuck startles. luckily, he doesn't press.

slowly, donghyuck wraps his arms around jeno again. he doesn't even bother to hide under the flimsy excuse of teaching jeno how to use a watering can this time. leaning his head into jeno's neck, he breathes deliberately and steadily, smiling into jeno's flushed skin as his heartbeat starts to slow. the slow circles he traces into jeno's skin don't pause.

"what?"

"nothing. you just smell nice, s’all." donghyuck hums. the vibrations traveling through jeno's skin cause him to shiver. "...kind of like 3 in 1 shampoo, but it's not terrible." he winks, and the hair on the back of jeno's neck rises. forget his shitty satanic powers, donghyuck is the real devil's employee here. "you should find a real facial cleanser, though. i can't believe your skin is so soft when you only use—"

jeno shoves donghyuck away, who bursts into peals of roaring laughter. "hyuck! stay out of my _fucking shower!"_

**. . .**

donghyuck weasels his way into staying for another two hours. again. he whines until jeno makes them chamomile tea and heats up leftovers from the night before. jeno can't even act annoyed by the company, but something sinister worms its ghoulish way into jeno's chest and tugs his face down. he can't shake off the admission from earlier. it sticks to the chambers of his heart, sizzling through bone and pricking into his deepest fears.

_i could never forgive myself if i failed._

jeno glares at his spoon. _it really is all my fault, huh. i bring nothing but trouble wherever i go._

"so," donghyuck mumbles through a mouthful of beef stir fry, "what if you were friends with a murderer? would you use your powers to help them cover their tracks?"

jeno chokes on a carrot, ejecting him from his spiraling thoughts. "what the fuck?!"

"it's just a question, jeno." donghyuck shrugs innocently. "the ethics here are wild and as a government assigned chaotic neutral, i can't help but wonder. also i just think that would be a kick-ass team. oh!" he waves his fork wildly as he talks, emphasizing each word. "that’s _gold._ you could probably get a movie deal out of that."

"is there something you're not telling me?" jeno squints at him suspiciously. a bit of sauce dribbles from the corner of donghyuck's mouth and jeno has to restrain himself from wiping at it with his thumb.

"hey, not my fault you never asked if i was a serial killer or not. you never know these days, 'specially with my disarmingly handsome looks and flawless charms." donghyuck waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

_"hyuck!"_

by the end of the night, jeno doesn't remember why he was upset. he doesn't even realize he'd been crying— not even when donghyuck subtly wipes a stray tear from jeno's cheek.

**. . .**

(perhaps the thick canopy of leaves, by guarding the lake from the malicious world outside its gnarled branches, unwittingly shut out something else.

life.

jeno can feel it, can sense the vibrations churning the once stagnant water. there's rustling echoing from further out in the woods; clear laughter rings like bells as it approaches, footsteps thudding into the silt. plants once choked by weeds in the murky depths now strain their tendrils towards the surface, longing for light, yearning for purpose.

a disturbance rings from far above. the shrill screaming of scratched out demons is drowned out by sounds of rushing water. the figures slinking around the lakeside relinquish themselves to the shrubbery once more. they'll never leave completely— no, the balance of the forest would suffer. however, confined to the darkness lurking underneath tree roots and the sides of rocks where only moss grows, they can no longer suppress the bubbling of the lake or the slow groan of the trees unfurling.

love.

for the first time in decades, sunlight shines through wilted leaves.)

**. . .**

it seems like every other day brings a new snowstorm.

logically, jeno knows his habits aren't...the healthiest. it's hard enough to suppress the roar of magic under his skin on a normal summer's day, but it amplifies at times like this, slamming against jeno's veins like it can sense that this is the only way jeno will let it out and it wants to take full advantage of the opportunity. still daunted by the pitch black flames licking at his fingertips, terrified of what may happen if the coils of energy touch a healthy, unsuspecting living source, jeno caves to the pressure. at least the city shines beautifully, even as he falls ill, falls victim to _himself_ , again and again.

jeno wakes up with a pounding in his head and a crackling behind his teeth. it's pretty on par with how he's been feeling the past week, so he doesn't think much of it. rubbing one hand against his face, he prepares to swing himself off the bed and soldier through the day. the room pitches as he moves and suddenly he's not sure what's up and what's down, what's reality and what's a dream, until he topples off his bed, landing in a crumpled heap with a crunch.

 _oh,_ jeno's groggy thoughts can barely pierce the fog splintering his brain. he pats the rug by his head. _there's the floor. i was looking for that._

with much more effort than it should require, jeno hauls himself back to bed and makes the executive decision to postpone tuesday morning until tomorrow. as soon as he overcomes the tremors in his fingers enough to shoot off an apology text to donghyuck, cancelling their project meeting— whatever that even means at this point— jeno's muscles go slack and he succumbs to sweet, sweet oblivion.

_thud._

jeno stirs.

_thud thud thud thud thud._

huh. oblivion sure sounds like a knock on the door. go figure!

_jenoooooo don't make me break in again~ i won't pay for the damages this time~_

wow, oblivion really sounds like—

"aw, fuck." jeno peels his eyes open. he briefly wonders if renjun and jaemin tampered with his clock while he was out, because there's no _way_ it's suddenly past three in the afternoon. jeno would whistle if he thought he had the lung capacity. blackout curtains are some powerful, reality-altering shit.

muscles creaking and aching with every move, jeno pushes himself into a sitting position. he carefully assesses his state of being, still half-melting into the soft mattress (it's not that soft— this is college. however, jeno's body, mostly constructed of pipe cleaners and putty at the moment, sinks into it like it's a cloud fallen from the heavens. maybe he's still a little out of it.).

the pounding at the door doesn't do any favors for his migraine, but the extra sleep did help immensely. sure, exhaustion still fizzles at the sides of his vision, but overall he feels much better. certainly able to support his own weight. certainly.

"oof!" jeno barely catches himself with the doorknob, pressing one hand against the wall to steady himself while fireworks burst behind his eyelids. okay, okay. still better than before.

with some effort and a lot of hanging onto random items in his path, jeno finally makes it to the front door. he doesn't bother to check before he opens it. he already knows who's on the other side— who else would visit him?

 _but why?_ jeno's brain supplies helpfully, obviously still waterlogged and sleep-addled. _donghyuck can't be here for the project, i told him i'm not feeling well..._

"did you get my text?" jeno frowns, head resting against the door. he clutches onto the doorknob for support, praying donghyuck can't see that far inside. "i'm sorry, but i can't work on the project today."

"i got your text." donghyuck's figure is rather blurry in jeno's vision. he hasn't taken his coat off, so he's just a blob of white fuzz. jeno can't even see his hands— though that might be on jeno's vision fading in and out more than anything.

why is he still here?

"oh!" jeno's eyes light up, snapping his fingers in realization, "you must've come for my hydrangeas, then! thank god, i wasn't sure how to—" jeno tugs at donghyuck's sleeve with one clammy hand, but the boy digs in his heels so hard jeno nearly goes flying.

"actually, jeno," donghyuck visibly steels himself, an uncharacteristic blush darkening his cheeks. he shyly takes his hands from behind his back, a warm container of soup in his grasp. "i'm here for you this time."

the words make jeno's heart skip a beat, but when his eyesight finally sharpens on the boy who spoke them, it halts entirely.

donghyuck's greyish-silver hair is now a subtle honey blonde, some strands highlighted bright white. beyond that, he has rainbow colors streaked all through his hair. pinks and blues are the slightly more prominent shades, cotton candy colors that look soft to the touch, but jeno catches hints of reds, purples, and greens with each subtle shift of donghyuck's head. the warm blonde makes his tanned skin glimmer brighter than before, and his whole head is set in soft waves that curl delicately against his forehead, framing his big doe eyes.

"oh. wow." jeno swallows hard, suddenly dizzy again. his mouth opens and closes wordlessly, brain lacking the tools to put coherent sentences together. "wow, donghyuck, it's— _beautiful."_

"it's just soup..." donghyuck tilts his head, sending his hair cascading. "are you more delirious than normal? it's not even great soup, honestly. it's my mothers recipe- don't tell her i said anything bad about it- but i just can't seem to get the consistency right like she d—"

"no, donghyuck. your hair, it's—" jeno doesn't know where he finds the courage to step forward and run his fingers through donghyuck's hair, but that's exactly where he finds himself two seconds later. he freezes with one hand tangled in it, worried that he's overstepping a boundary, but donghyuck relaxes into the touch like a cat. jeno gently rolls a strand of ocean blue between his fingertips, awed.

when he finally tears himself away, donghyuck is struggling to suppress the red furiously flushing his cheeks. "beautiful." jeno says again, though he's no longer sure he's only referring to donghyuck's new look.

donghyuck rocks back and forth on his heels, sloshing the soup around in the container. "so, are you gonna let me in or what." he mumbles.

jeno pretends to think. "or what."

"oh, buzz off!" donghyuck kicks off his shoes and sheds his coat, wiggling his way inside. he whirls around, jabbing a finger at jeno, who nearly loses his balance again. "i bet you didn't even eat today, idiot. you always make it worse for yourself when you're sick!"

jeno tries to maintain his innocence, but one nervous glance to his suspiciously clear sink gives him away. "damn it!"

donghyuck grumbles to himself as he unpacks the soup, ladling it into a bowl and heating it up.

"oh, you brought lunch!" jeno finally leaves his _donghyuck pretty_ bubble and takes in the situation at hand. "why aren't you making yourself a bowl?"

"i already ate." donghyuck tells the microwave.

"huh?"

"i said, i already ate. i was eating lunch when i got your text."

"hyuck, that was hours ago. did you—" it dawns on jeno at last, and a lump forms in the back of his throat. "h-hyuck, did you _make_ soup for me? from scratch?"

_don't cry jeno don't cry jeno don't cry je—_

"whatever." donghyuck's voice is barely audible. "i knew your dumb ass would starve to death if left alone for too long, and i had the ingredients laying around and i was _bored,_ so if you don't like it then—"

"hey, hey!" jeno sways his way over to donghyuck on jelly legs, unsure if the room should be moving like that beneath his feet. his brain seems to be lagging a few seconds behind, the feverish glow evident in the glaze of his eyes. maybe that's why he presses his face into donghyuck's shoulder, one arm holding onto the counter for dear life and the other around donghyuck's waist (also for dear life, though in a different way). "thank you, hyuckie. really, thank you."

jeno pulls back and nearly sends himself careening into the fridge. for real, did someone fuck with the laws of physics while he was asleep or something? there's no way everything should be moving like that.

when he rights himself, bear hugging the fridge, he glimpses donhyuck's bright red face and frowns. he's pretty sure necromancy-based exhaustion illnesses aren't contagious, but he supposes one can never be too careful.

jeno's face warms as donghyuck manhandles him onto the couch and shoves the bowl into his hands. the boy's rigid body noticeably loosens when jeno gives a thumbs up in approval, scarfing down the soup like a starving man— which he kind of is, oops. still, the soup is delicious. it's hearty and flavorful, but not too overwhelming for a sick person's taste buds. best of all, it was made from scratch. based on the fond look in donghyuck's eyes as he ensures that jeno gets every morsel into him, jeno swears he can taste the ~~love~~ affection it was crafted with.

jeno feels significantly better once the food is in his system. donghyuck deems him better as well— at least, jeno gathers that much from how the boy spares him absolutely no mercy in mario kart.

"are you fucking serious!" jeno shouts, tossing his controller onto the coffee table. "no fucking way you got me with a _green shell_ at the last second." he juts his lower lip out, putting on his best _pity me!_ face as he leans into donghyuck's personal space. "have you no sympathy for a poor, sickly man?"

"mm, let me think." donghyuck presses his index finger between jeno's eyes, gradually increasing pressure until he's pushing a rather cross-eyed jeno back across the couch. a teasing smile plays on his lips.

"have you thought?"

"yup."

"verdict?"

donghyuck's grin sharpens as he selects rainbow road. "not one bit."

they goof off for a while longer before donghyuck stretches, claiming he has to do actual homework. jeno pouts, but walks him to the door. maybe it's a coincidence, but he feels oddly energized for once, steady on his feet.

as donghyuck throws his hood over his vibrant new hair, a memory snags at the back of jeno's brain— one that fills his nose with the acrid stench of mascara and crayons.

"where did you get the hair dye, by the way?" jeno fully intends on thwarting jaemin's next diy project. renjun would probably appreciate it, as would mark. jeno's just kind of assumed they've bullied him to move in by now, but he's not really sure where they stand yet. either way, they'd all benefit from a non-charred nana and a working stovetop.

"awh, you really wanna dye this beautiful mop of hair?" donghyuck rises to his tiptoes, ruffling jeno's hair affectionately. "you're too pretty as it is, jeno! but if you really want, i'll text you the link. call me, and we can dye our hair together."

and just like that, donghyuck is gone.

yet again jeno becomes one with the debris constantly swirling in donghyuck lee's trail. dumfounded, jeno brushes his fingers over the top of his head, feeling the tufts sticking up. he bites back an embarrassingly giddy smile even though there's no one to bear witness to it but his plants.

"he called me pretty." jeno confides in one of the succulents. leaning in, he can just read the label, _sporty spice._ it's in donghyuck's swirly, fanciful writing that jeno hasn't seen since, and the giggle that escapes him like a middle schooler with a crush is utterly humiliating.

"a crush...i don't know." jeno mulls over it, but throws an accusing finger at the plant. "listen. you tell anyone about this and i cut off your water supply, sporty spice."

he'll bet he looks real silly threatening a plant, but at least it’s a good distraction from the crimson burning on his cheeks and the fluttering in his stomach.

_he called me pretty._

jeno straightens up, wanting to stick his head out the window and scream his little victory to the world. he's not dumb- mostly- and they've definitely had more physically intimate moments with how cuddly donghyuck is and how touch starved jeno must be (yeah...touch starved. that's why), but this just feels so...real.

when he looks down, jeno is surprised to see that he's still clutching the boy's forgotten tupperware container to his chest. he sets it gently on the counter before turning on his heel and heading into his room.

he'll return it next time.

jeno collapses into bed with a smile threatening to burst from his cheeks. for once, he doesn't try to attribute the warmth in his chest to the hot soup or the simple pleasures of friendship and good company.

_next time._

**. . .**

**[8:40 p.m]** **hyuckie <3:**

it was nice to see you today jeno!! feel better (♡˙︶˙♡)

**[8:40 p.m]** **me:**

you too hyuck :)

oh, not the feel better thing like

it was nice to see you too. that's what i meant

cute face, by the way

it kind of looks like you

haha

i like it though

jeno pauses, thumbs wiggling nervously over the screen.

**[8:41 p.m]** **me:**

i like you.

_[message removed!]_

**. . .**

"two drinks, please. peppermint mocha for me, hot chocolate for him." donghyuck holds two fingers up to the waitress. her name tag reads 'wendy' in pretty handwriting, and she dutifully scratches down their drinks.

"why the hot chocolate?" donghyuck inquires once she leaves. "i thought you were like, married to tea."

jeno shrugs. "just wanted something sweet, i guess. why am i here again?"

the weather rages outside the thin walls of the diner, but it's the first time in days where jeno hasn't felt like he'll keel over and croak if he stands up, and donghyuck has taken full advantage of it. the tiny tornado stormed into his house, forced a winter coat on him, and dragged him out for lunch.

lunch between friends. friends. friendship. nothing more, nothing less. easy, familiar, safe. jeno can do that. at least, he can try.

(safe hasn't been feeling very, well, _safe_ these days. it feels more like suffocating, wrists bound tight and vocal cords fraying, energy thrumming under his skin— begging to be welcomed, howling to be free.)

donghyuck gasps like he's been shot, dramatically draping one hand over his forehead and flinging himself across the booth. "am i not sweet enough for you, darling? oh, the pain— the _pain,_ jen! have you no mercy?!"

jeno smiles into his water cup, convincing himself it's due to donghyuck making a fool out of himself in public and not the _darling darling darling_ that reverberates in his mind. "not one bit."

"oh, using my own words against me. that's dirty." donghyuck drops his act and sticks his tongue out like a child. "anyways, it's been ages since you've been well enough to go out, and i figured you could use a change of scenery." he lifts a brow, hands splayed on the table as he leans in. "you've only been getting sicker and sicker, jeno. what's going on? are you...are you still overexerting yourself?"

jeno is really, really good at taking care of people...as long as he doesn't include himself. his gaze bounces guiltily around the diner, but there's nowhere to look but donghyuck's eyes.

(there's nothing else worth looking at anyways, not when donghyuck is around.)

"maybe." jeno frowns harder at the sadness weighing donghyuck's face down. wendy returns, setting down their mugs, and donghyuck stares decisively into it. he must have seen a sign carved into the whipped cream, because he suddenly reaches for jeno's hand. he pats it where it lies on the table, frozen solid.

"i'm teaching you how to garden so that you don't have to put yourself at risk, dummy. let me help."

donghyuck's tone is far too thick for a tiny breakfast diner past two p.m— too fraught with emotion and concern, a tang of affection sweetening it. jeno almost chokes at the weight of it all. scratch that, he does choke on his drink when donghyuck starts tracing patterns into the back of his hand. it reminds him of all the times donghyuck has comforted him, and all the times he's sought comfort from jeno.

"thank you, hyuck." jeno smiles softly. "i promise i'll cool it with the miracles. i'll do my best." donghyuck takes his hand back, seemingly satisfied by the answer. jeno already misses his warmth.

"would you boys like anything else?" wendy circles back to their table. donghyuck orders them a slice of cake to share: dark chocolate. it's jeno's favorite, but he's sure that's not why donghyuck chose it. it can't be, right?

wendy hums, tucking the notepad back into her pocket. she sets the check on the table, the corners of her lips quirking up. "i'm assuming you're paying together?"

"no, we're not—" jeno starts.

“yes, we'd love that." donghyuck is always the louder of the two, isn't he. "it's on me today, actually." he beams, looking completely unruffled as he fishes for his wallet.

jeno, on the other hand, splutters incomprehensibly for a second before spitting out a, "hyuck what the—"

"what is a date without dessert, right?" donghyuck grins at wendy, ignoring jeno spitting out his drink in shock. the waitress agrees and winks at him knowingly, leaving to fetch the order.

"d-date?!" jeno gasps, scandalized, as soon as she turns her back. donghyuck nonchalantly dabs a napkin on jeno's chin where some hot chocolate had spewed, and jeno turns an even deeper shade of red. _"hyuck—"_

"hey, stop thinking so hard. i can see the smoke coming from your ears." donghyuck pokes him in the cheek, sitting back in his seat. "just let it be."

_let it be. stop hiding for once, jeno._

a ghost of a smile hovers on jeno's lips as he places his hand over donghyuck's before the waitress comes back with their cakes. he's still a little too shy to meet donghyuck's intense gaze, but he takes the tightening of donghyuck's fingers in his grip as a good sign.

_let it be._

jeno can do that.

**. . .**

jeno walks in on mark sandwiched between renjun and jaemin, renjun on his lap and jaemin against his lips, all three of them—

—and walks right back out.

**. . .**

the days wear on in a blur of snowstorms and flower petals, warm soup and red noses, tea and crumpled tissues, shy smiles and lingering touches. donghyuck insists on coddling him when he falls ill, but jeno won't refuse the attention. unlike any other light that has fallen upon jeno throughout his life, hungry eyes turned towards him, baring his blackened and gnarled soul to the world, jeno doesn't cower. he basks in the glow of _donghyuck, donghyuck, donghyuck._

the said boy doesn't seem to mind the worsening weather, smile blinding as he shakes the dampness from his hair every day. his bike is always sunken into a new snowdrift by the time he leaves. jeno scolds him about the dangers of riding his bike to jeno's apartment in a fucking _blizzard,_ but the boy shrugs it off. he should at least wear a helmet, but no amount of nagging from jeno will convince the boy that safety triumphs over image.

jeno offers to come over his place instead, not quite sure when ‘donghyuck barging into jeno's apartment uninvited’ turned into ‘jeno tries to move their daily romantically-charged antics to donghyuck's house for once’. what a world. he can almost hear the _i told you so!_ 's of jaemin and renjun cackling at him (and mark, too, though he's too nice to say it out loud. jeno's pretty sure they're already on their fifth date by now— god, jeno is so behind).

donghyuck waves it all off, claiming that 'idiot jeno' is barely healthy enough to make it to class, often relying on live streamed lectures, so donghyuck doesn't mind being the one to make the strenuous trip (he flexes his non-existent muscles for dramatic emphasis, and jeno just laughs). he pads the excuse with some extra bullshit about enjoying the exercise and saving the environment via bicycle, but jeno sees right through him for once.

their project sits, finished and collecting dust, in the corner as they heat up dinner.

with each passing day spent laughing into donghyuck's shoulder, getting his ass handed to him at video games, and tenderly looking after their plants together, jeno feels the last of his walls crumble away. it's a slow process. he doesn't even realize they're gone until he reaches out to pester donghyuck by ruffling his hair and feels no hesitance, the thin barrier between them vanishing. jeno is stripped to his core, for once unafraid of scrutiny, of _rejection._

donghyuck parallels him. though jeno's walls were made of thick webs of trees and gritty red brick, donghyuck's were built on too-wide smiles and sharp tongues. that, too, dissolves into dust. the two boys sit underneath the stars with the whole world spread in front of their fingertips, layers of armor peeling back to reveal two equally vulnerable hearts taking solace in each other, beating as one.

perhaps that's why the dam laced between jeno's vocal cords breaks.

to the rest of the world, it was merely another day. to jeno, it was the anniversary of the day his life splintered and burst, love and light streaming from the cracks until he was bled dry and left to die.

he wakes up with stinging eyes and insides tangled in a knot lodged up in his throat. squeezing his eyes shut, he can't bear to look at the calendar. he already knows what day it is.

jeno drags himself through the day half alive, wishing that his ~~magic~~ his _curse_ — would work on him for once.

he could use a miracle.

he gets one, but not in the form of thorns of darkness prickling under his skin. no— jeno's miracle has a button nose, a blend of rainbow-blonde hair, and a penchant for the theoretically morally gray.

donghyuck immediately senses that something is off once he gets home— to jeno's home, that is. jeno already knows he looks like a wreck: deep purple bags bruised into his face, glassy eyes rimmed a swollen, ugly red, skin drained of color and knuckles aching from being clenched into fists all day long. pent up emotion swirls around the chambers of his heart, pumping venom through his body instead of blood. the floor no longer wavers and gives in under him; it's gone, plummeting him into the crimson spikes below. the pounding of his pulse under his skin sounds louder than ever, matching the slamming of his organs against his ribcage. so much is crashing down upon him, thin knives driven into the backs of his knees and the veins in his neck.

without saying a word, donghyuck takes jeno into his arms and lets him wail into his chest.

jeno doesn't know when the incomprehensible sobbing dissolves into words, can barely register anything beyond the string of donghyuck's sweatshirt tickling his nose, the wet fabric supporting his face, the patterns donghyuck is rubbing into his back.

"it skipped a generation. m-my— whatever this is, this fucking _curse_ that's made me nothing but a danger to everyone. my great uncle was like—" jeno barely suppresses a shudder of disgust, spitting out the words like they're poison in his mouth, "like _me._ a necromancer, vessel for the devil to do his bidding, hell-bringer, omen of satan, whatever you want to call it. my grandparents hated him, cast him out of the family long before i was even born." the arms around him tense, sensing where this is going, but quickly calm as a fresh batch of sobs wracks jeno's body.

"he didn't last long on the streets. i only knew about his...nature...because i found an old diary of his up in the attic. my parents—" jeno's voice cracks, and donghyuck tucks him closer to his chest, pressing his cheek into the top of jeno's head. "m-my parents tried so hard to understand me. they knew what ran through my veins the moment i was born and they didn't hate me for it, not by a long shot. my grandparents..." he throws out a bitter laugh. it burns on its way through his vocal cords.

"my grandparents always hated me, blamed me for every little thing. they were superstitious— raised that way. to them, i was the biggest red flag you could get. my parents n-never let that get to them. they were amazing, so loving even if they didn't understand me, so accepting even though i had no idea how to control my abilities. i had no one to learn from, no one to mentor me, no one to hold my hand and say _lighter hand, jeno!_ " donghyuck's hand stutters in its ministrations at the words echoed from weeks ago, from a day packed with spilt water and fresh air and budding flowers and _hope._

"i had no one to tell me it was okay, so i figured that it wasn't— _i_ wasn't. i wasn't natural, so what better way to ease the burden i brought into my loved ones' lives than pretend like my abnormalities didn't exist? so i lived like there was no pulsing in my blood, no webs of darkness strung through the sinew of my muscles, no shadows creeping through the fiber of my being. i- i felt like a stranger in my own skin, hyuckie, but it was worlds better than being a monster." jeno hiccups desperately, holding onto the boy. "for a while everything was great. my parents looked happier, my grandparents would tolerate seeing me once a year, and the kids at school slowly forgot about the boy who used to spend recess huddled in the corner of the playground, watching the crushed dandelions spring back to life. until..."

jeno can't speak for a few minutes, lost to the deep waters rushing over his crumpled body as he sinks further into the depths, ferns snagged around his ankles. the only clue that he's not drowning is the sweet nothings whispered into his ear, the slow scrape of fingernails across his scalp.

"we were on the way somewhere. i don't r-remember where or why, but it doesn't matter. we never got there. i only remember the acrid stench of burning rubble, the shards like shrapnel embedded in my arm, the metallic tang skimming my tongue, and the sound of screaming. the first responders pulled me out of the car first— if you could even call it a car at that point. it was nothing but a twisted hunk of metal, snow, and blood. my grandparents arrived almost immediately."

jeno feels donghyuck wince, squeezing him tighter in his grasp.

 _"’do something, jeno!’"_ he mocks, voice thick with tears. _"’bring them back, jeno!’_ but i didn't know how. how could i, when i spent so long suppressing every urge, every crackle of energy under my skin? i tried— i— hyuck, i really tried, i swear. i swear, i swear, i begged and pleaded with it to cooperate with me, but it beat against my skin like raging seas in a storm, and i just couldn't _breathe—”_

jeno's eyes unfocus, glassy and distant as he's transported to a long-repressed memory, one that slips under his door at night and tinges his tears with agony. "as i knelt there, rocks cutting into my knees, the car burst into flames."

a sharp intake of breath sounds from somewhere above the surface, salty tears splashing into his hair. for once, they aren't his own.

 _"’bring them back, jeno’_ quickly turned into _‘you killed them, jeno.’ ‘this is all your fault, jeno.’ ‘you're a monster, jeno.’ ‘if you were never born they'd be happy, jeno.’ ‘if they never loved you they wouldn't have died, jeno.’_ and, well. when you put it like that, it starts to become pretty damn convincing. especially to a ten year old." a weak chuckle escapes from the roof of his mouth. jeno watches it get shot down from the sky and pitch headfirst into the lake, water replaced with boiling black tar spitting geysers of vermillion into the air.

"they were right, you know."

 _"jen—_ " donghyuck chokes on a desperate sob, but it falls upon deaf ears.

"i was a burden and a pain to my parents when they were alive and their love only got them killed by my hands. the doctors tried to tell me the fire began raging just as i was dragged from the wreck, but they couldn't fool me." he shakes his head, an empty smile playing on his lips, "i knew what the burns all over my arms were. it was so clear to me after that night, a fluorescent caution sign carved into my forehead. _danger, danger. stay away._ and i did. i avoided myself and others avoided me. the further i withdrew, the safer everyone around me was. my grandparents took me in, though that's a generous word for it. i made myself scarce in every sense of the word, but they still cut me off as soon as possible. i never touched my powers.”

jeno laughs wetly, nearly hysterical. “it's wrong to mess with life and death and it cost me everything in my life _but_ my life." the cut across his spirit bleeds like a fresh wound, like he's once more reduced to that terrified ten year old cooped up in a hospital bed, head filling with sharp spears pointed at his own brain.

"i bring nothing but pain wherever i go. hell— i even kill all my plants and they're some of the most precious things in my world." jeno's sobs slow as resignation solidifies like liquid cement in the space between his joints. "i— i kill everything i touch, everything i _love,_ hyuckie, that's just how i am."

the _i can't lose you to me_ is muffled against the soft skin of donghyuck's neck, but somehow it ricochets around the room like it was howled to the moon.

"oh, jen." donghyuck breathes into the delicate air as the faucet that replaced jeno's mouth grinds to a halt. he crams two fingers in the space between jeno's chin and his own chest, tilting his face up and forcing him to meet his eyes. he cups jeno's cheeks gently, thumbs methodically brushing away the tears streaking his cheeks.

"you are so, _so_ far from a burden, jeno. no— _please,_ listen to me!" he begs, thick words punctuated with a sob as jeno tries to wrench his face from his grasp, eyes squeezed shut in protest. "whatever happened that night wasn't your fault. you were so young and raised to— to _hate_ yourself, to believe that the solution to everything was to deny who you were. you should have been nurtured and loved unconditionally. not knowing how to use your abilities wasn't your fault. losing control wasn't your fault."

donghyuck's fingers skim across jeno's skin as he talks, eventually tangling in the hair on the nape of his neck. "you are not a monster. a monster wouldn't welcome me into his home at random hours of the day when i'm lonely and don't fit where people think i should and i want nothing more than to run into his arms and never leave. satan's employee would never expend his energy on saving something as beautiful and lively and pure as nature. a hell-bringer wouldn't even dream of putting his own health on the line just to make someone else smile."

his voice drops into a whisper, fingers stilling on the back of his neck. "no one with a trace of evil in their body could ever hold me as gently as you do."

jeno bites back a sob.

the concept of his own virtuousness is not foreign to him. renjun and jaemin, being his best friends, know the basics of jeno's family life. they've been there for him when he's broken down, hushed him and reassured him and held him, but he's never been so open and raw like this before. donghyuck's words are a soothing balm to his blistering skin, like the first drink of water after days in the scorching sun.

jeno isn't evil. he's not a creature of the night, doomed for suffering since birth. he can be good, he can _do_ good, he can love and laugh like everyone else. he isn't what his grandparents molded him to be, nor the shell of a person he thought he had to become to survive in this cold, cruel world. these are the words he drills to the jeno in the mirror every morning when he prepares for the day, hoping one day they'll finally drown out the screaming in his head. one day the chains sealing away part of himself will break and he'll become whole, he'll wear his skin like it's his own.

for the first time, he may actually believe the words.

"i'm not afraid, jeno." donghyuck presses their foreheads together. jeno's teary gaze drops in shame, but donghyuck encourages him to meet his eyes again, to see the sincerity reflected in them. "i promise, no matter how much you tell me to be, i'll never be afraid of you." he allows a faint, bittersweet smile to tug his lips upwards. "besides, jen. you only kill your plants because you don't know how to take care of them, not because you have some sort of bullshit cursed touch. i'm here to cancel that out anyways, remember?" donghyuck sits back, sticking his thumb out at jeno. with a wet laugh, jeno presses their thumbs together.

"my black thumb and your green thumb."

"that's right. we make one hell of a pair."

donghyuck maneuvers them to jeno's room, an unspoken agreement passing between them that he'll spend the night. once deposited on the bed, donghyuck doesn't hesitate to gather jeno up in his arms again, carding his fingers through matted hair. jeno closes his eyes softly, relishing in the gentle touch. for all their flirty touches and bear hugs, they've never held each other like this before.

nothing has ever made jeno feel like he belongs like the warmth of donghyuck in his arms.

the roaring seas subside, evaporated by the strength of the sun shining down. the light permeates his entire body until it almost bursts from his pores. a flame flickers within his ribcage, steady and strong. jeno can see the sunlight pouring from donghyuck's tender gaze, enveloping him in the shine. they're both still crying, weak shudders traveling through their bodies. moonlight creeps in through slats in the window, catching donghyuck's soft features in a breathtaking glow.

he's never looked so beautiful, tear stained cheeks and all.

_donghyuck doesn't think i'm dangerous. he isn't scared of my touch, of my history, of my love._

slowly, jeno allows the sunniness to spread through his body, reaching all the places he used to yank it back from in fear of his own heart. it envelopes him from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes, radiating from the boy next to him and eclipsing them in a bubble that's entirely their own. for once the world tunes out and allows them their privacy, bestowing upon them this quiet crevice in spacetime, a whole world for their eyes only.

"will you sing for me?"

time slows to a crawl, jeno's entire world shrinking to hold only the boy he's wrapped around. the fingers running through his hair don't miss a beat as a smooth melody drifts through the lazy night air.

"why do you build me up..."

_green tea, or peppermint?_

"buttercup, baby, just to let me down."

despite the sobs that strangled his vocal cords an hour ago, donghyuck's hoarse voice is somehow still honey-sweet and soft to the touch.

"i love you still, i need you."

_actually, jeno, i'm here for you._

jeno feels the ghost of a smile pressed into his shoulder as donghyuck sings into his ear.

"more than anything, darlin'. you know that i have from the start."

_take care of yourself, jeno. i mean it._

"so, build me up." donghyuck breath catches in his chest, voice reedy and thin as he approaches the next line.

_just let it be._

"buttercup, don't break my heart." donghyuck's voice finally breaks off into a whisper; a plea, rather than a lyric, swallowed by the galaxies outside their window.

"i won't."

this time, it's jeno's turn to promise.

**. . .**

"closing ourselves off is no way to live." jeno breathes under the comforting cover of nightfall. donghyuck's eyes are bleary, barely pinned open in the silvery three a.m moonlight. "thank you, for finding me."

he can tell donghyuck doesn't quite understand what he's talking about, but that's okay. jeno does. he brushes donghyuck's hair away from his face, treasuring the content sigh that escapes the sunkissed boy's lips as his eyes finally slip shut.

jeno tilts his head up. if he squints hard enough, he can almost see sunshine streaming through wide gaps in the trees.

**. . .**

jeno starts to feel comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his life, existence soothed by donghyuck's company. the more the boy pushes him, the more they embark on wild adventures around the city, the more donghyuck shows him that he's worthy of love, of life, of _whatever_ this warmth in his heart is, the more jeno learns to love himself.

his magic seems happier these days, too. after jeno's grand meltdown, he began to work on tearing down the blockades in his brain set up by ghosts of his past that aren't worthy of his tears. he meditates on his shitty college student rug, allowing the rush of energy to wash over him— but not overwhelm him. the enchantment humming through his veins is his partner, not his enemy, and it's high time he treated it as such.

it's not easy. jeno flexes his fingers a few times, in awe at how the prickle of darkness hugs his fingertips closer, quieter and more pliant than the volatile, spitting fire that erupted from his hands mere weeks ago. he's suppressed his true nature for a long time now, and it's not something that can be totally reversed by some kind words from a cute boy (though that certainly doesn’t hurt).

jeno is on the path to healing, but he still doesn't quite trust himself, can't help the prickle on the back of his neck when he wakes up. he scratches at his forearm. his magic seems more jumpy today, an uncomfortable buzzing beating in time with his heart.

the sense of unease is a plague in his brain that only deepens as the day wears on. jeno glances at the clock for the fifth time in the past two minutes. it still reads five p.m, but that can't be right. did renjun and jaemin fuck with his clocks for real this time?

donghyuck was supposed to be here half an hour ago.

“you’ve reached the house of awesomeness, sorry i’m probably off doing something really cool! leave a message after the—” jeno hangs up the phone for the third time with anxiety swirling harder under his tongue. donghyuck’s twelve year old voice chirping from his voicemail machine was something jeno had found endless amusement in when he first heard it months ago, but now the high pitched laughter sits heavy as a rock in his stomach.

after pacing a few times around the apartment and nearly chewing his thumbnail clean off, jeno decides to call one of donghyuck's friends. he only met the guy briefly, but it's his best shot. his foot taps impatiently against the wood as the phone rings and rings and rings.

"aye-yo."

jeno's heart jumps into his throat as the call is picked up, regardless of how painfully lame the greeting was. "mark! hey, um. it's jeno. you wouldn't happen to know where donghyuck would be, right?"

"uhhh...yeah? i mean, i thought he was heading over to your place. he biked out, like—" mark's voice grows a bit muffled, probably checking the time, "—over an hour ago?"

jeno runs cold at the words, stomach plummeting into his toes. frantically, he tries to quell the liquid terror that seems to have replaced his blood. it's probably fine. maybe donghyuck ran into traffic, or something.

no, he's definitely fine. definitely. it's just like him to stop at the corner store for snacks, or to help a girl get her cat out of a tree.

"why, is he not with you?"

but— but donghyuck is _never_ late, especially without reason. if he's grabbing food, he always texts jeno first, and he usually makes the trip long before they're due to hang out so he doesn't miss any precious 'jeno-time'. it's too cold out for anyone's pet to be out and in need of rescue. he doesn't even live that far away. how much traffic can you run into on a bike?

on a bike.

"jeno?"

his pulse roars in his ears. something dark and anxious coils in the bottom of jeno's gut, throbbing between his lungs and reaching sharp tendrils towards his heart. mark's puzzled voice dissolves into the din as jeno's brain disconnects from his body. his vision frays at the edges, limbs numb and trembling as he drops his phone.

traffic. on a bike. traffic. cars. weather.

_donghyuck._

"hello? jeno, are you th—"

jeno takes one look at the swirling snow storm outside his window and bolts for the door.

he tears through the narrow hallways of his apartment building, ricocheting against the walls. he stumbles over his own legs in his haste, unable to sense anything other than the horrible slamming of his heart in his throat. his vision blurs dangerously as he flies down the stairs three at a time, too worked up to wait for an elevator. frustrated, he wipes at the wetness dotting his cheeks.

_now is not the time for weakness._

he can't pinpoint exactly why he's so convinced that this isn't a normal delay, but he knows it as surely as he knows he loves donghyuck lee to the ends of the earth and back, which is as surely as he knows his own damn name.

he bursts into the open air like a man gone wild, doors slamming in his wake. without a second to spare he hurls himself headfirst into the frigid night. everything looks the same, all coated in a pure white blanket and shrouded in the impossibly thick fog that rises from the fresh snow.

the sun has already dipped below the horizon, pitching the world into despair. freezing wind bites at his skin and stings his eyes like tiny icepicks hacking his cells apart, but no pain can hold a candle to the fear of losing donghyuck.

the sensation of jagged concrete slicing up the soles of his bare feet doesn't register until he's halfway down the street, dizzily sprinting along what he prays is the road he's used to seeing donghyuck disappear down. the world bulges and swishes like ocean tides around him, beating against his screeching skull and bleeding his brain out through his ears. he feels like he's snagged in a cruel loop of space-time as the ground in front of his feet fades in and out of view. he crashes through a crowd of people, batting away stray limbs and shouts of anger as he shoves his decaying body to its limits.

it's snowing. jeno can tell by the way he nearly cracks his face open on a patch of black ice, and by the snowflakes obscuring his vision. he plows directly through a snowdrift, oblivious of the ice freezing around the bloodied rips in his jeans.

jeno has never run this fast in his life, feet furiously pounding into the pavement, a guttural scream tearing from his throat. his lungs grow tight from lack of air, chest threatening to cave in. the street narrows until it's nothing more than a deserted alleyway, and that's when he sees it. the rushing of his blood dims to a faint hum to accompany the ear-splitting ringing in jeno's skull.

for the second time, jeno's world crashes to a halt in front of a mangled hunk of metal, snow, and blood lying in the middle of the road.

"oh, god— no, please, p-please _n-no, no—"_ jeno's heart is ripped from his chest, crushed to a crimson pulp in fate's manicured hands. on paper-thin knees he staggers towards the scene, crumpling into the thick red snow.

 _"hyuck!"_ he howls as all of his limbs give out.

donghyuck is strewn across the street, rolled onto one side and looking impossibly tiny in the midst of the worsening storm. what remains of his bike is smashed up against the edge of the road, unrecognizable next to the unmistakable skid marks of tires burned into the ground. there's no car to be seen.

donghyuck has one arm flung out, the other curled protectively to his chest, and his legs seem to lay at an awkward angle. a thin film of snow already encrusts his body. jeno's breath shudders to a stop. that can only mean—

donghyuck isn't moving.

up close, the unnatural angle of donghyuck's neck and the half frozen pool of blood sloshing from his temple is hard to miss. jeno lurches towards donghyuck— towards donghyuck's _body—_ with an inhuman screech. desperately, he shifts the boy to his back. donghyuck's eyes are fluttered shut, snowflakes crystalizing in his long lashes and along the trail of blood leaking from his nose.

"please, h-hyuckie, wake up!" jeno sobs as his shaking fingers hover over the boy uncertainly. "i'm sorry, sweetheart i'm so— so _sorry_ please open y-your eyes, open yo-your _eyes_ hyuck this isn't fucking f-funny!"

with nothing but the pounding of his heart to guide him, he gingerly makes contact with donghyuck's ice cold skin, brushing one hand against his bruised cheekbone. pressing his other hand to his mouth does nothing to lessen the heartbroken shriek that escapes his lips because touching donghyuck is supposed to be warm, warm, _warm._ he should be able to feel the flush of his skin as jeno attempts to flirt, should be able to find solace in matching his heartbeat with his own.

 _"fuck!"_ jeno's fingers roam frantically across donghyuck's frozen body, desperately searching for a pulse. he can feel himself shattering under the weight of what he refuses to acknowledge, fueled only by blind hope.

"wake up," he pleads, hands twisting in the front of donghyuck's jacket. he shakes him back and forth, but the boy's head just lolls uselessly on his neck, the giant gash denting his temple dripping more blood into the fresh snow. "p-please, _please!_ wake up, sweetheart, wake up! this isn't funny anymore, wake up!"

jeno chokes on his sobs, slamming his fists against donghyuck's chest as if that would convince his heart to start beating. _"WAKE UP! PLEASE!"_

jeno's body jerks and convulses as he searches for his phone to call for an ambulance. he's not sure if the violent shaking is from the bitter cold or from the devastation ravaging his entire existence. a new wave of anguish crashes over him as the image of his phone clattering to the floor of his apartment sears itself into the backs of his eyelids.

he can only pray that mark is sharp enough to call for help.

jeno weeps as he cradles the fragile boy in his arms, gently smoothing the blood matted hair away from the wound marring most of his forehead. the snowstorm rages on around them, unfazed by the derailment of jeno's entire universe. he buries his head in donghyuck's rigid chest, squeezing his stiff hands in his. perhaps it's gross to hold hands with a— with a corpse, but jeno is no stranger to death.

wait.

_jeno is no stranger to death._

"i c-could bring you back." the words break over jeno's tongue, spitting fragments of pain into the blustering night air. his voice trembles, his last stream of hope spirited away into the heart of the storm. he shivers, teeth chattering behind blue-stained lips. he flexes his fingers, ignoring the shooting pain from joints frozen solid. "i— i can bring you back! a-at least, i can _try—"_

jeno shifts donghyuck's body into his lap, gently supporting the back of his head with one hand. the other lies over donghyuck's heart. he roots around for his magic, but it's not there for once. there's no hum of energy singing against his pale skin, and trepidation claws into his stomach. jeno hesitates, clenching his fist as a flash of sanity floods him. he can't do this. he _can't._

"this...no, this is wrong." the lump in his throat threatens to pierce through his vocal cords. "i can't— i can't mess with fate! i promised myself n-never again, it's too risky." he rocks himself back and forth on the deadly patch of ice, "i can't do that to you! you'd never forgive me, h-hyuckie you'd _hate_ me."

_i could never forgive myself if i failed._

"i can't fail. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i c-can't _fail again._ " his sobs pitch in intensity as he tears wildly at his hair, unhinged and grappling with his entire sense of right and wrong and _donghyuck._

if he was thinking clearly, jeno's sure he'd say that he needs to leave things as it is and not deliberately obstruct fate; she has a nasty habit of making things come back to bite you in the ass and making it hurt tenfold.

however, jeno is currently clutching the corpse of the love of his life in his arms, so it's safe to say he's not thinking rationally.

"but i— i can't lose you!" he doubles over as a chasm cracks open in his chest, red-hot agony leaking from it. "please, please, hyuck, open your eyes! you're my world, don't leave me!"

the storm escalates in intensity as it surrounds them, whipping winds encircling the two lost souls, dense air crackling as if lightning is about to strike. the hairs on jeno's arms stand up, strands of pitch black hair on his head rising to the challenge, but he doesn't notice it in all his spiraling.

donghyuck, the boy who showed him how beautiful life could be. the one who hangs the stars in the sky every night like clockwork just to brighten it up for jeno. the boy that refuses to run away when he begs him to. who cradles him so gently, brushing loving touches over his face to chase the sharp-clawed fingernails from his mind in the hours of the day when the world stops turning.

_they were right, you know._

jeno stares straight ahead, but he sees nothing but the twitch of donghyuck's lips when he crashed into the seat next to jeno on that first day. the way his eyes screw up into crescent moons with whipped cream from their favorite diner smeared across his cheek, cackling as he reaches over to smudge some over the bridge of jeno's nose— how in tune he always is with jeno's moods, how he so naturally knows how to ground him when jeno drifts miles into the clouds, how to yank his toes back from the lip of the edge when he's tangled in a memory from long ago.

 _do you expect me to be_ afraid _of you? you can't fool me._

the teasing sparkle in his eyes when he told jeno that they were one step closer to marriage upon first meeting, the barely bit back snicker as jeno clumsily knocks another thing over in the apartment. the wrinkle of his nose when jeno makes a bad pun or a slick move in mario kart. the creased paper that sticks to his sleepy face, still beautiful even with cheeks decorated with the imprint of the book he fell asleep in. the devious grin stretching his lips after concocting another plan for making himself a permanent part of jeno's life. the exasperated sigh not fully masking his worry as he tends to the ill, shaking, jeno-sized lump on the couch.

_i kill everything i love, hyuckie. that's just the way i am._

the tender words exchanged under a blanket of darkness, the hand on the small of his back pushing him forward. the fingers tightening around his that tell him _yes, it's okay to trust._ the patience triumphing over the exhaustion in his face as jeno kills another plant, lips brushing over the shell of his ear as he promises that they can fix it, together. the unconditional love he showed jeno for the first time in his life, the endless sunlight mopping up the spilt water suffocating jeno's heart.

donghyuck, whose lifeless corpse only grows colder in jeno's trembling arms.

_no one with a trace of evil in their body could ever hold me as gently as you do._

donghyuck, who jeno is completely, utterly, hopelessly, deeply, endlessly, in love with.

a final outburst of raw agony tears from jeno's vocal cords because his magic is _gone,_ turned its back on him like he did to it all these years and now donghyuck will die, donghyuck is _dead_ and it's all jeno's _fault—_

he lays donghyuck back on the ground, draping himself over the body like he could shield it from harm, guarding him from the elements with his pitifully deteriorating body and mind. every nerve sears as a ripple of flame moves underneath his skin, grief burning away the synapses between his brain and melting through pale bone and tender flesh. the pressure in his chest builds until he bursts, howling into the night as a shockwave that can be felt for miles wracks his body from head to toe.

jeno's tears dripping down donghyuck's face almost create an illusion that he's the one crying.

the sorrow plucking the strings from jeno's heart finally wins, all the fight draining from his body. the roaring winds are reduced to nothing but a faint ringing to his cotton stuffed ears, the bright white world turning gray except for the splatters of crimson on concrete. the road digging into his knees sways unsteadily, the night not yet sure if it wants to stick around for the grand finale. he doesn't realize his heartbeat has slowed to a dead stop until he registers the patterns being traced on the back of his hand.

jeno gasps with the last of his dwindling breath, desperate gaze falling upon cracked open, bloodshot eyes.

"hey, buttercup." donghyuck's voice is raw and scratchy, barely audible before the snow steals it from his lips, and it's the most beautiful song jeno has ever heard.

"h- _hyuck?"_ the name tastes metallic in his mouth, fragile as glass rolling off his tongue.

jeno can't afford false hope. it'll break him for real.

but donghyuck surges up to crash their lips together, and there's nothing imaginary about the sensation of donghyuck's half-frozen lips against his, or the bolts of electricity that snap between them. donghyuck's fingers are heavy against the nape of his neck, tangling in his hair and desperately keeping jeno close. a shock of warmth ripples through jeno, smiling into the kiss because finally, _finally_ he has donghyuck's heart. they come up for air, donghyuck's face still breathtakingly beautiful no matter what.

"i am so fucking delirious right now." donghyuck says seriously. he allows his head to rest against the frozen road beneath him, a weak smile forming as he lifts one bloodied hand to cup jeno's cheek. his face falls, frown deepening as his thumb rubs across jeno's skin, swiping over his mouth and brushing by his eyes.

"why are you bleeding, jeno?"

it's only then that jeno notices the black glow crackling around the hand pressed to donghyuck's chest, spreading to outline the boy's entire body. it's only then that he sees the flames of magic bursting from his own throat, that the electricity sizzling through the thunderous clouds above bleeds straight from his own wrist.

"oh, right." jeno laughs shakily as his muscles creak, nothing but the sound of fate snipping her scissors echoing around his eardrums. drained of blood and devoid of life, jeno's body topples into the thick snow.

_my magic didn't abandon me, after all._

donghyuck screeches, lunging towards him even with his own broken bones piercing through skin and blood pooling in the tips of his toes. "jeno! jen, what's wrong? w-what happened?!" his distraught voice rings agony through the air, but somehow it's still as sticky-sweet and honey-soft as the night donghyuck sang jeno's fears away. it's beautiful.

jeno doesn't mind it being the last thing he ever hears.

“a life for a life, remember?” jeno says weakly, eyes slipping shut as the edges of his world melt away. nothing can shake the smile off his face, not even as frantic hands flutter across his body.

he saved donghyuck. donghyuck is alive, and that's all that matters.

“no, no, nope absolutely not, this is absolutely not fucking happening!” donghyuck chokes, desperate hands pushing against his chest as if that could inject life into his dying body. he searches for a wound, something to put pressure on, something tangible that can be _fixed_ so jeno can be _okay_ so jeno won't— jeno _won't—_

jeno already knows donghyuck won't find anything. this is the price of resurrection, one that jeno would gladly pay over and over again if it meant donghyuck's light would never be snuffed out.

donghyuck's heartbeat feels nice against jeno's fingers, steady and warm as the world freezes around him. jeno's body goes slack, surrendering to the crushing darkness carrying him away.

 _i'm sorry. i love you._ jeno tries to say with the last of his breath, but he's not sure it ever crosses his lips. donghyuck must have gotten the message, though, because he feels the same words screamed into his skin as his dull senses fade away for good.

**. . .**

jeno doesn't expect to wake up at all, but when he does, he's glad it's to honey golden skin and ratty rainbow hair.

donghyuck's face is swallowed up by the paper thin hospital sheets. even as he slumbers he's caught jeno's hand firmly in his grip, holding onto it like a man hanging from a cliff, toes swinging in the breeze. his fingers tighten like he's afraid jeno will crumble into dust if he's not there to hold him.

“mornin’, buttercup." jeno croaks as the boy wakes up, sterile sheets sticking to the drool on his cheek. the soft morning light filters in from the window behind him, framing him with a pale glow that would probably have taken his breath away if he wasn't hooked up to a million tubes.

donghyuck's eyes widen in realization, rubbing at them a few times like he can't believe what he’s seeing. jeno can't fault him for that— he's sure he'd do the same if he could move his limbs that far, not entirely convinced donghyuck isn't just another wispy spirit haunting his vision.

 _"jen—"_ donghyuck chokes, pressing the limp hand he was gripping to his lips. tears splash onto jeno's pale skin. "you _fucking_ idiot, i swear to god! never scare me like that again. _never,_ do you understand?"

"i won't." jeno echoes a promise of weeks ago, and it hangs heavy in the air before donghyuck's shoulders drop.

"okay. okay. i won't, either." donghyuck's voice quivers. “but...but _thank you,_ jeno. you saved my life.” his breath stutters, wrenching his words away.

jeno's head is still swimming a bit, unsure of what happened and where he even is, but everything feels muted compared to the warmth sparking in his chest, the intense love in donghyuck's eyes as he holds him close.

"renjun, jaemin, and mark came by earlier." donghyuck tries to fill up the empty air, gesturing at the mounds of balloons and gifts and snarky get well soon cards piled on the table. "they told me to kick your ass for them if— _when_ you woke up." jeno swallows hard, mustering up the strength to speak as those last words slowly process.

"how'm i alive? h-how are we both alive?" jeno breathes, one hand laid across donghyuck's cheek. sure enough, he can feel the warmth of blood coursing under his skin. donghyuck clutches onto jeno's wrist with both of his hands, desperately leaning into the touch with eyes screwed shut in disbelief.

"i don’t know. we didn't even know if you were gonna wake up." a thin smile worms its way to donghyuck's lips, glassy tears spilling over to his cheeks.

"the doctors say it's a miracle."

**. . .**

when jeno turns his key and pushes the door to his apartment open for the first time in a week, his heart immediately leaps into his throat.

the place is littered with shriveled, rotting petals. every single one of his plants, from the delicate, prim and proper roses to the cacti that donghyuck always swore even a brick wall couldn't kill, are ashy gray and wilted, black speckles flecked across their stalks. the stench of black magic permeates the air, so thick that jeno can barely breathe. they're all dead, flowerpots smashed and bags of soil tipped over and once-vibrant petals brittle and dry, all color sucked out of them.

_dead._

“my greenchildren…” jeno says weakly.

“they took the fall for you for once. that’s okay.” donghyuck wiggles his fingers, a watery smile on his face. “you have me now.”

jeno slips his hand into donghyuck's warm, _alive_ one, squeezing it gently.

"yeah," he smiles, thumbing at the scar by donghyuck's lip, "i do."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading !! as usual with my works, here are some notes about this universe <3
> 
> ♡ [ the song when jeno sings it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_2iEP1Wts)
> 
> ♡ [the song when donghyuck sings it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duOZVbVaxEA)
> 
> ♡ ON GOD CAN U TELL IM TOUCHED STARVED 
> 
> ♡ jaemin named his and renjun’s contacts in jeno’s phone and won’t stop changing them whenever jeno hangs out w them so the poor boy has given up. all hail nana-bear and cutie injunnie
> 
> ♡ a life for a life applies to all necromancers in this universe (there are others, though they are few and far between, loners who very rarely share tricks of the trade. an emo bunch, if u will) but most who perform full resurrections end up sacrificing someone else. this is absolutely Absurd to jeno as he would never ever put someone else’s life at stake, thus why its boiled down to him or donghyuck-- especially in the state donghyuck was in and how weak jeno was. for people, the closer they are to death the more energy it drains, until it turns into an equal trade-off of lives, especially for necromancers who aren’t very powerful or have never learned how to balance their health and their magic
> 
> ♡ lmfao when jeno deleted the confession message it only deleted from his phone, not from the conversation, so hyuck saw it SDFJNSK
> 
> ♡hyuck is a biology major with minors in vocal performance and botany heh he’s taking history for general education credits (and also maybe bc the cute loner boy he’s always spotted in the back of class is taking it ehehehe)
> 
> ♡ jeno’s major….tune in later i will think of one
> 
> ♡ it was the fire that ultimately took jeno's parents from him, but his grandparents convinced jeno that it was his fault somehow :(
> 
> ♡ markrenmin got together off screen and they are very disgustingly cute. renmin harass mark 24/7 and they go on double dates w nohyuck
> 
> ♡ hyuck’s first thought when he woke up in jeno’s arms was ‘oh my god i was right u rlly do give tight hugs’
> 
> ♡ their professor is joy, jeno’s neighbor is seulgi, and the waitress is wendy god i love red velvet
> 
> ♡ sorry markrenmin disappeared halfway thru lmfao they were ~busy~ and so were nohyuck
> 
> ♡ me struggling to write a dreamies ship that doesnt include renjun as part of the main pairing lmaooooo he always shows up somehow tho
> 
> pls let me know what you thought in the comments !! also i changed the spacing of the paragraphs from how i normally do them so pls tell me if it's harder to read/feels squished ajfnkaja anyways it's been a long ass time since i've written, so i hope you enjoyed <333
> 
> twitter: [pixeljunnie](https://twitter.com/pixeljunnie)  
> curiouscat: [pixinoa](https://curiouscat.me/pixinoa)


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